..dear reader..

But the mornings have been rough as. Apparently thats what is does for the first couple of weeks, causes tierdness. It's wierd sleeping all that time and still feeling like utter shite at half 8 in the morning. Still feeling shite at 10 and 11, gettin there by 1 2. The good stuff is low, but I'm not too considered. I don't need to go to far in an emergency. Nursery tomorrow, time to clean up a bit. There is at least a possibility of daily study with him at nursery. Once I've cleaned up a bit of course.. asked to exchange numbers, I'm wary of letting things go to slowly. Jeez I'm tired..

You have to mark them sometimes, let the little mes, slutty mes,the angre mes all come to day table. Even if they are medicated, drunk, quiet, wont eat anything but chocolate, or nothing at all. We got out. I wasn't sure if it would happen but we made it out to the shops, parks, a picnic and a fair bit of walking. No egg rolling, but lots of egg eating. I cooked a chicken in my messy kitchen, mashed some tatties, microwave veg and gravy we both scoffed a fair bit. Still haven't written back to virtual but will. Happy death day, let all that violence, mortal and otherwise, bubble up and mix with the telly and the day's needs. Buy the pink wine, smoke good canabis, write whatever needs to be said, said it if you can.

and a small spliff to get me over the years of survival instincts that tell me not to touch the pills. Another shit scary leaflet. It pretty much knocked me out the other day, we'll see how we go but I doubt I will be taking them in morning. Too much order to create as mother would say cleanliness to impose would be another. Emails between me and dark and handsome everyday, he doth make me laugh sometimes. It really should make me cring a lot than it does all that archaic language and romantic flourishing. But I seem to be getting embarressed, and blushing at it more than being repulsed, which would surely be the more natural response. He must be hiding something with it all though, Julia Roberts Pretty Woman best film, really? hmm. It's just so great to be speaking to someone who makes plans to spend all day in the library and says I'm beautiful. Nothing wrong with that, I just hope he isn't the sort that takes himself to seriously, hate that.

I gone through 1 and a half creme eggs so far. I doubt the big egg will make it through the night. Okay so I'm not studying, I am writing which is something. I am preparing my brain for the work that is to come.. Chocolate is good brain food. I have to go back to Izzy's promise. I will be able to talk about the diagnosis there. Maybe I will feel a bit better afterwards and not stirred up and in need of a pint/sedation/hour long hug etc.. The egg is broken. New promising view. I also get old guys and youngish local who dont put up photo's. Frustrating, shouldn't be on if you dont have the balls to show your face!

quite a long reply. I've been chatting with Zep but he's rubbish. Very limited notion of 'flirt' think he expects me to keep telling him stuff when he doesn't give much back. Don't think so. He's from Motherwell anyway. Get the feeling he is looking for ass to take out all the frustrations from his last relationship on. Not mine. Very handsome is writing longish interesting emails. He's a bit of a poet to even though he has a masters in business managment. Very interesting, educated thoughtful banter. He uses mock classical thous and shit sometimes which would probably make any one but me cring to point of vomiting, just makes me feel warm and fuzzy. 1 Easter egg down, should I break open number 2. It's probably going to happen. It's not than unreasonable to exptect support from support services that doesn't make you feel worse. Every second I spend talking to people whoes job involves making judgments about me and who disag...

Well the resiridone might make me eat more but at least I can keep my eyes open after taking it. Tried the new one today, no frisbee, no parks, just the boy pooping his pants at my computer and me asleep in front of the telly. bollox. Bastard doctors. Reading the leaflet scares the crap out of me. I remember heart problems and seizures that arn't in my medical records and wont be taken into consideration when meds are given. I'm not sure what to do tomorrow, supposed to take 2 at night and 2 in the morning. Theres no way I'm taken 2 in daytime but I need to leave it a couple of days at least to make sure I've given them the a go. I've got an essay due on friday, bollox. Wish gp would give me a hand remembering when I need refills to! I suppose I have to show I can manage stuff like that. Don't even have the energy to write back to my lovely eyes.

It is April after all, when the sunshine warms more than the earth. Difficult questions answered 'what do you write about?' from very dark very handsome and 'what do you want to get out of the site' from adorably cute. Answered with coherence and intrigrity, hopefully and better spelling than this. Late nights early mornings from the boy are taking there toll wanted assisinated old pal for being rascist this evening. moaning about pols, espically the criminal ones. give them a break their from fucking poland for christ sake. if coming to Scotland to commit petty crime is a step up then on you go, there is always plenty of local neds to make sure they dont make that much profit. Got new jeans today, helped by a lady who just happened to be there and saw us. A younger women held wee dude's hand crossing the road too I don't think they are all special needs. I wish I could accept it a bit more warmly though the assistance I got and we get from strangers. Sh...