..dear reader..

Yesterday once the first time this year we managed to put in an asda delivery. That means today we had steak chips gravy and red wine of course. Don't know what our issue is with ordering groceries so we don't need to go to the little shops here every fucking day is. Well there is the problems we have eating sometimes the difficulty in planning ahead and accepting that we that same shit that needed to be done today will need to be done tomorrow and feeling like I am better suited to other duties.. But other than that.. May giving it that her and Trump are going to bring back some kind of imperialistic golden age. Unpleasant. Saw a meme today showing a bunch of arms with camp registration number tattoos it was highlighting previous times people of specific ethnicities have been registered and demonised like immigrants and Muslims are now. We know this. We know the fictional emotive rhetoric and the long term plans for destroying and denying human rights behind it. We know it...

It's good to hear talk on mainstream tv about the need to understand authoritarian regimes better. Seeing Trump be so abusive towards the press making them point out all the blatant half assed bullshit has been kinda nice to.. It's hard to rise above the chillingness of it all even when you know it's intentional. I'd rather not hate "the press" but its hard not to when held down with the ridiculousness here in the UK. The trident stuff today.. ... sickening .. and maybe a step towards indy.. We have been very successfully hiding in fall out 4, where we have a girl friend, are building settlements, setting up traders and blasting nasties while not looking for our son much because that would probably mean the end of the game. Resident Evil out soon though so thats a relief. It's January, our weed guy isnt responding forcing to consume headachy pollen but we aren't too bad. Still no word from no one. But an increased sense that we are out there searchi...

We are listening to carols, smoking blinding weed and thinking of you. CPN today. Last time this year. Didn't tell we have stopped taking the antipsychotic. Told her we were struggling to take it. She said it was honest of us to say so but as we were still taking it we must think its doing us some good. She got a bit pissed off actually asking us if we thought this was a good time to be even thinking about reducing. We said we are not interested in psychology at the moment. We really arn't. Not from the NHS. Not from anyone we can't vet our self. We are a little worried how we will get evidence to say we are unfit to work if we are refusing to see any docs but we know we have every reason to believe in what little we remember of the phone calls where we were told we didn't need to. We remember the relief and the sense of truth and then our heart sank at what we were going to have to survive from then. He talked about there being bad times ahead and I think told me some...

It was a great relief when N phoned and asked if it was ok to just give us more money. We didnt even have enough left for today's baccy and couldnt of asked for more. I'm still paying for tonnes of data I needed when in hospital and forget to pay the rent difference.  We do need to be a bit careful though because next week is rubbish week and the asda shop is delivered the same day as the early benefits but we will need to leave enough in the bank to make sure there are no food related tradegies finding out whatever asda substitutes there will be is hairy enough. Might need to wait until then to get more weed to. He hasn't given us enough money to drink and smoke and eat like we have been already for the next three weeks but its likely we wont be wanting much for long. He want's to give him presents himself so we have to set some aside for him to give on Boxing day. Think we will go for the lego dimensions stuff and some playmobil. We have failed on the plushy front th...

Orders are to keep spirits up as much as possible so we are dutifully spliffing up lovely stuff lots and have initiated brandy season. There's a lot to be relieved about. To be at the end of 2016 and not the start of it or some time long before it.  Trump, RA, Russian fascists. There's not much on RT we can stomach now but we do try because they do have some good stuff sometimes but mostly its Al Jazeera or CNN if they are talking about the obvious lies and dangers of Trump. 28th of March 2012 or whenever PaedoBritain day was when we published the lists. And so much else and said see you end of 2016.. Meaning of course that we would be safe enough to be awake enough by now and enough of what they wanted had happened that there was nothing to loose in remembering. Digging around in Russia wasn't tolerated after the fall. Neither was battling or defending myself or anyone else from traffickers and they were some of the worst. They became the worst when we managed to throug...

He was one for encouraging us just to write and not care about it whether it was us or if it was true or not because it all helps us get to a place where we are us more and are grounded in reality instead the "truths" we have when we are too scared and in too much danger to remember.. The tree is up. It took ages and we remembered another reason why we like real ones you don't have to pull out each and every branch. Its six feet, reduced to fifty pounds glittered tipped and scratched up our hands like a real one. Pablo was as enthusiastic as he usually is about decorating it but he did make a pile of decorations for me to put up and put on his customary piece of tinsel that I don't want on it because I want the beads but he will notice if I remove it. We bickered a little but not too much as we have learned that he thinks Christmas is a bit messy and unnecessary. It looks pretty great. We got even more wooden pine cone hemp string dangly things for the walls that...

Did pretty well today. Didnt turn off the alarm we had set half an hour early so we could go in the shower before town and order from somewhere that is selling a dude xmas present cheap when everywhere else that selling it have sold out. All going well he well be getting both Skylanders imaginators and Lego Dimensions. And a heap of other shit. Aiming to spoil him, N agrees and its definitely going to be his best Christmas in terms of presents. The shower was a bit ambitious but the orders were made and we went into town after dropping him off at school. Standing waiting for the bus we wondered about driving before remembering we couldnt afford it and we cant rely on our concentration. In town we picked up some decorations and toys we hoped would be small enough to fit in the pockets of the advent calendar Margo made. Went to greggs but couldnt really stomach the mocha or lorne in a roll but ate and drank at least half. When we got home we were quite excited to see which of the litt...