July 30, 2011

Criminal

I doubt there are many people who know about the political and physical realities of extreme abuse who isn't either an organised criminal or used to be. There is no way out without working the system and that means working illegally at whatever with whoever might help your situation, even if its just a tiny bit better.

I've been feeling like a fraud, the facade of being a 'good girl' runs deep. I am a 'good' girl and that surprisingly enough, made me a pretty good thug. But no one can be good or bad enough to escape intact anyway. Sometimes I just wanted to make people smile in a good way, when everyone had their clothes on and there wasnt too much pain. It was my way of saying 'remember me' the worse the abuse, the louder and more intelligent the voices. But you cant walk out of hell without getting fucked up, thats the whole thing about hell.

RIP Amy