Tears, this week. Last week we focused on a young man with huge absent father issues (I got to be him). The week before, a really quiet bloke got madly shouted at when he played the role of Smily who played her own mother. She got right into it. It was one of the powerfullest things I've ever seen or heard. She seemed so controlled, the way she poured out that vile. I have only missed one week so far, very good attendance record for me.
It's getting close though and I'm terrified of the thought of losing control. Kneeling on the floor, imploring Smily, who was again playing the mother, but in this time for Griny who was dealing with her mother's detachment. I was the child again, asking for recognition, for respect, love, attention, anything from the parent. First for the young lad and his dad then for Griny yesterday and her mother. It's amazing really, makes me feel all hippyish. Its not easy to feel comfortable with your hippy side when I spent years of my life with a head wired for war. Hippyshit in war is insult to injury, it's the evilest of enemy propaganda because it doesn't encourage you to fight as hard as you need to survive. It's a cop out.
But in drama therapy, everything is valid, There is no taboos and your body is your tool for your own and others healing. It feels so clumsy trying to explain how it all works in the group and make up names or descriptions that convey people well enough. I definitely like mental ill people and drama therapists, but I knew that.. They're who I fought for (with crystals in my pocket - the darker the stone the better because I think everyone needs a bit of faith - it brings luck when the goin is hard)...
Then afterwards I met G.
Who (of course) I no longer have a massive crush on now that we have actually met in the Holy presence of Queen Dolly.
I had the soggy student pasta followed by Belgian waffles and chocolate sauce washed down with two glass (1 large 1 small) of actually semi decent red. She had the macaroni again, like in Edinburgh... Blimy I am interested in her in a whole load of weird ways. Nothing I am able to rush into though, unfortunately she doesn't seem the able to talk about anything at a level I need to leap into anything. She might get used to me, people have gotten used to me talking comfortably about abuse related issues in public places before. She didn't seem happy when I talked about Drama Therapy in the quiet bar and she works in social services, I'm a little worried shes trying to take her work home with her. She said I was lovely in a txt earlier on. I waited hours and txted back 'thank you xxxx'.
One thing we definitely have in common is relationships "and stuff" freak us us out.