September 24, 2015

our room is nice but the kitchen is still wrong even when we clean it

We hope to celebrate September better in other years. It not over this year yet and we are eating and washing, cleaning, spending more time engaging junior and the xbox. The tearfulness at the thought of another day or night here isnt as bad. More of a sense of our history being here with us is probably the main reason.  The main 'must be real memories' and the narratives that they hold together haven't been forced on us for a while so we can feel again and the real narratives are beyond the high walls of what many people think is possible.

If we had been passport applications in the local post office we would have one now. Printers, ink etc feels just beyond us still. Its frustrating but when we start examining the issues raised, triggers its a hell of a shit storm. The thought of an outside of the uk Christmas: the shiny swinging pendulum that is as soon as summer's over, brought smiles to parts that have been down for a while. They know we achieve nothing when so separate from each other and we can't come back without real hope, real hope which is very hard to impossible to grasp when we are distanced from each other and anyone else. No horrific shit in months now. Wow.

We are not due for any back dated DLA or ESA we know fine if we found anything at all no matter how little in the four figures in the current account we wouldn't be buying paint and furniture. But there isnt so we will spend who we get on living a day to day level of comfort we haven't known in the UK before. It's great past so many 'cant's and 'I'm not allowed that's but there are so many still in play but we are getting to a point where we can remind ourselfs that it will get better without being a slap on a broken limb.