September 17, 2015

September 2015 ..

Third full week of schools being back? Fourth? Long enough that the mornings have started hurting again. Still on 100% attendance so far and we know we need to push as hard as we can with getting him out there and ourself whenever possible. A short walk in the morning that cant be bad for our health except for the times when being around lots of people and kids is unbearable of course. There was so much impending doom at the thought of routine and crowds and expectations at the end of the holidays when the mornings were ok it was a needed relief.

The thought of there really being nothing else going on for us than his schooling generously provided by the British stretching into infinity ahead of us is physically a difficult thing to tolerate. He's quite happy to go with his blanket amnesia about who he and his mum is and how hard the fight for us both to still be alive has been. It will all be there. Everything.  Glad that he is socialising and learning we just wish we were socialising and learning to.. and didn't feel so dislocated from his educated and unsure about some of the staff/population..

At least the fucked roof in his classroom has meant a reprieve from the 'come in and see what the kids are doing' mornings.. (kids seem fine I think can't tell when all our internals are hyperventilating and/or clinging to ceiling). ... 

They've been doing a project on Fair Trade.. (No fucking comment)

Good to see Corbyn's numbers.. (would of been better if that was 10 or 20 years ago)

Was quite undepressed on Tuesday. Didnt go as far as the council offices that would likely of challenged the decent mood anyway but got bus to shops bought wee man a book from Works and walked home via the hippo of course. Was all up for Glasgow on Saturday to. Take the wee man, we haven't gone anywhere together in ages. There isnt any way around what public transport and waiting for public transport does to us though. We are too open. Its very difficult managing whatever is triggered in my head and a child in the house never mind outside..in crowds.. busy traffic.. (how its impossible to not think about what might of been)

The house is cleaner than its ever been, a workman has been round to sort the worst of the damage from the leaks, the boiler has been fixed and the bully of a landlord used a professional and friendly third party for the inspection. Would of meant a lot more if all that had happened a year ago. We have no will to decorate. We do have will to get wee man's passport updated. Even if it revolts us. Coz we dont have an identity in the UK we have a lifetime of having our human rights denied and no legal means to challenge any of it.

Don't ask us. 'What's next?'

All you will get is vacant eyes and song lyrics.