..dear reader..

It was really beautiful the walk back to the station, couldn't get the lad to appreciate most of it though but there was something for him to. It was getting dark the water flat and mirroring the silver and pinks in the sky just wonderful. Tiredness crying now we are home though. Not like we didnt get lots of sleep last night its the one thing we can actually do for ourself with the piddly vallies is give ourself one or two good nights sleep. Really really liked the place and it's location. We do have a shot a it worried about the application form which was the one from before and I think we said too much. We do do that. Bank statement handed in. At least we have decided on a location and arnt trying to look for somewhere just anywhere coz that's even more stressful. Guess all I can do it's cross my fingers, pray and the usual prepare for the worst and hope for the best. It was just so us though. Felt right, really right. Got our tunes, our maps and of course of ...

When we said we wanted a different anti anxiety she said great because they should never ever be prescribing diazepam long term. Talked about the anti anxiety quality of the antidepressants we are on then gave us the same teeny tiny doze very small quantity of diazepam.. We can't separate its effectives from rapists and traffickers wanting us to stop crying and smile. We have tried so many fucking times to explain this to GPs but they don't listen, don't believe, don't care. It we have time we might try going back to another one before we go. We just want a sense even for a moment that someone gives a crap about the shitty quality of live we live but if we get the same treatment from someone else again its gonna hurt, its gonna knock us back its gonna fuck up whatever else we need to do that day coz we will be all tiny alone and crying. Or we will find the decent one we keep half remembering and will feel so shit at the crap we have been exposing ourself to because we ...

"Deadliest attack on Jews in US history." Apart from everything that involved the establishment and authorities and so isn't counted, talked or written about. To be fair they did ship a lot out to Scotland to be slaughtered and if someone is still walking around they cant be technically described as dead even if they have had assorted lobes removed and have no independent thoughts, consciousness or will of their own. Fucking putrid reading Trump or Sturgeon's anti anti semitic comments. So we stopped, had a shower and came here to off load. Too tired for much pissed off ness and disgust. Same old lack of sleep and awful crazy vivid dreams when we do. An aeroplane crashing into ocean which I saw falling, but later I was on the plane with the survivors, stuck their, crappy people keeping themselves wasted and striping away bits of the plane to burn for heat or whatever until the thing was increasingly filled up with water and corpses and people who had completely g...

The deed is done. Hair is chopped. Wish we could of done it months ago it always makes us feel better. Its really short. With a fringe. She was good at coming up with suggestions to we can be a bit whatever just cut it off. She cut through our silver chain with the clippers but that's okay, it's a cheap silver chain and was probably gonna break when we tried to clean it anyway. Found a gold one when we got back that Margo's mum gave us and used that. They took more off the bill than they needed to and kinda wish we had remembered to tip the girl she was lovely did a good job and didn't ask any excruciating stereotypical hairdresser questions about boyfriends, holidays, jobs, family. Haven't done much else today except make tasty tea, medallion steaks, chips, gravy, yorkies, veg so our hands are not too bad. Hope we get some kitchen cleaning done tomorrow though especially the floor, maybe start packing some stuff. Will probably start writing a list of stuff we ne...

Not feeling so good now... Crazy vivid creepy disturbing dreams when we fell asleep again after filling out some more ESA form and we are horribly sore and can't find the pill that means of course its gonna get heaps worse, on top of the clingy cold symptoms and the achey hands before we can some more on Monday.. Just so AARG.. Monday haircut.. Hopefully to. Next week is a new shinny week with stuff we need to do and want to do planned. And today is Friday and weekends much less have tos and shoulds so that's cool. Some embarrassing self awareness exercises with the form until then. Its gonna get better. Gonna live somewhere that doesnt trigger us so badly and so everywhere, eventually gonna enjoy walking again. Gonna get ma phone and ma tunes back. Gonna get the fuck out of Fife. Maybe even gonna experience the wonderousness quality of life enabling benefits of weed again.. Hey maybe we will get the prescription oil at some point and get permanently off the baccy. Definitel...

Asda delivery yesterday, lots of eating and drinking and I actually got more than three hours sleep and it feels pretty damn good. Stupid cold, stupid pain still bugging us of course and our hands are really suffering from all the form filling, which we can't type because we get all overwhelmed with computers these days and that takes ages to go away. We tried to use the app for ages even though it doesnt autosave and we lost everything we had written a few times, took ages for us months to feel comfortable using tablet to write these and have only just started using chrome as main browser instead of the crappy one that came with it because that was the first one we used.. Its kinda humiliating knowing there is a world of less smart less cool people out there who can learn shit way better and don't get overwhelmed by simple tasks like we do but doesn't make us feel inferior like it used to. Looking forward to next week, picking up our phone and got a viewing somewhere we...

Was the partner of the blatantly abusive landlord that came over for final inspection. He sounded nice on the phone but was fairly cold and not engaging us when he came round. We were hoping he would ask how the house hunting was going, guess we were hoping for a conversation. Stupid us. We said we had done a lot with the garden but he just looked out the window and said nothing. He talked about having to decorate and recarpet pretty sure thats pretty good for a house that's has three different lease holders in about seven years two small and one less small children and one dying alcoholic in that time and not a penny spent on it by them between us. They were are really supposed to make sure there is working smoke and carbon monoxide detectors we were told they were coming but they never showed think that was over a year ago. There was a guy repainted some of the mess made by the busted roof but he didn't finish the job and the roof wasn't properly fixed and was still leak...