January 05, 2012

Happy New Year..

I'm back!

Sort of..

Haven't been sleeping well for a while now, crashed out on the couch today for a wee while as junior watched tinker bell. Now I'm awake, lots of bed related anxiety..

Stopped smoking and then started again...

Xmas good on the food front, not so good on the lack of bike and ipad for junior front, very bad when found sis with drink problem crashed out on her daughter's bed as they all went mental around her. Why it still gets to be so much I dont know, I think its because I see her in me and hate it. I don;t want to talk because I'll hear her accent, scared to think incase I'm repeating her though processes, the ones that make her hide drink in her room and say she has no money, that means she can put up with crap from a man who doesn't love her, that help her manilpulate and exploit everyone who cares for her.

Junior was Joseph in nursery show, well chuffed.

New doc said she didn't know me well enough to know whether I'm delusional or not. Wahay..

Still no idea about what to do with the rest of my life, lost interest in writing because I dont have enough clear memories. Lost interest in most people because they are all too far away.

Still see G though, but dont know how to talk to her. She says I'm amazing and that she loves me when shes drunk. I fantasie about men from the past but am glad my life isn't mental anymore. I watch too much TV and go cold at the thought of working, studying or having sex again. I'm not ready yet.