January 16, 2012

Performing Arts

I looked it up late last night, courses starting new. Voice projection and audition preperation. What the Doctor said really stuck in my mind, 'Your still young enough to do anything you want to do'. That and the women in a shop who spent 10 mins telling me how young I looked for my age. Folks who went nowhere near as I did carry a lot more scaring.

I'm lucky.

Looked at Humanities postgrad as well, would love to do that at some point. But I need to look further for my healing than books and hiding. Acting out could be exactly what I need. In dramatherapy we did work on how it feels to be in the spotlight. I was dieing to burst out 'I love being in the spot light, as long as I'm okay and I know what I'm doing there its fantastic!' I felt like I should be able to give examples and I couldn't. I felt like a freak - but in a good way.

The college isn't that far but its 2 bus journeys and is full time. It's the only thing at the moment that I could consider doing full time. I have to do something before I do the 'get a temporary job and end up doing it for ever' thing.

It has always worried me. I knew I would get out but how could any one espace the depression, the PTSD, the lack of experience as a society member, drug use, the general dysfunction without giving up who they were before. What was I going to do when I had choices, when things were a lot more complicated than deciding who had to take it for the team today. I want to learn about how I move and take up space, how I relate to answers and how to listen to my own voice.

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