January 13, 2013

Operation Yew Tree and me: Part 2

Twisty, ancient fucker isnt it?

Well if it is just a part one then the Yew Tree Report is a not bad example of big bureaucracy making some kind of attempt at recognising a very messing problem.  I have to acknowledge it seeing it written up like that  gives a sense of new freedom, a wee bit of faith in society in general.  One document alone doesn't change culture and practices that are generations old though but they can mark the start of processes of real and lasting change.

I didn't like the brief nod in the direction of anything organised though but then I wouldn't would I?  Article 7.12 'no clear evidence of Savile operating within a paedophile ring'.  It was good to feel the old history skills waking up.  At school I loved using documents as primary sources but I did cultural history at university and could longer understand why you would want to spend weeks of your life reading some bureaucratic bull when you could be examining and studying art, or listening to music, or looking at posters, cartoons, scribbles on a wall, anything to find out about the past.  It counts for a lot though doesn't it, even if it shouldn't, whats left of us by all the official jargon?

I have made first contact with the investigations Broadmore, Stoke Mandeville, Leeds, BBC.  If any of banterishness makes you think otherwise please dont think that its easy.  I did a little search for anything in Scotland but couldn't find anything and was starting to hurt.  I am scared.  Sometimes I am very scared.  But I always have been.  I have sometimes wondered if my compulsion to talk was a way of getting all the fear adrenaline I lost whenever things got quiet.  Forgive any long windedness that make creep in also I have been reading Stephen Fry.

Things are happening though.  CID phoned my mum and asked about my previous addresses.  Which is something pretty familiar actually   I'm pretty sure I've had conversations with people mostly family members that started 'CID phoned asking about where you've lived'.  Apparently its something they do and it doesn't particularly bother me.  There has been times that I have been phenomenally grateful to hear it.  It stopped me from believing, stopped me from going mental.  People in CID have heard of me.  Something is definitely going on.

It's difficult to say sometimes because its always been so hard for me know which people were who they said they were, were multiples themselves, were figments of my hope and imagination or horror and guilt, or something much, much worse.  Thank you people.