January 21, 2013

Thank you..

everyone for the encouragement and kind words, you reward all my efforts when no one else does and that means way, way more than I hope you will ever know ;)

I was prepared for the 'so why haven't you mention Savile before'.  Previous conversations are mentioned in  my emails to Yew Tree and to the 2 PC's back in December but I knew I would still hear it.  I told her I have, of course.  She hasn't spoken to her colleagues that have spoken to me yet so why ask that?  I'm preparing for a flat out denial from all them all regarding me saying anything about Savile before he died.  I know though. I talked they wrote, then I signed what they had written, if and whenever asked.

They were pretty dismissive, in attitude and tone to everything I said so no chance of any chatty mes coming out.  I asked her if she would be able to find out for me why Yew Tree didn't want to me to be interviewed before compiling the report saying there was no evidence of Savile's involvement in a ring, she said that was here to speak to me because of what I had said to Yew Tree.  I explained about the report that came out in December, she knew nothing about it but her colleague mentioned she had seem something in the media.  She didn't know, it wasn't anything to do with her, I would have to ask them myself.  So she hasn't spoken to Yew Tree but she is working under their remit and hasn't spoken to her colleagues but thought it fit to ask me why I haven't made allegations about Savile before.

The worst bit has to be all the stuff about where the officers I spoke to before were based.  That meeting with the two PC's, I will have to look up the date.  They came round because I phoned the local police asking when someone would be speaking to me because Yew Tree told me that was what was going to happen.  I was told whoever I was speaking to that she didn't know if it would be the same ones that were already dealing with Yew Tree stuff and get back to me.  Before the officers turned up I was phoned to make sure I was in by the control room of the local police.  When the I spoke to the officers about who I had already talked to, he nodded when I mention the local one and shrugged when I showed him the name of a Fife one and said 'Could be, that's Fife, nothing to do with us'.  They were LOCAL bobbies sent by the LOCAL police station that I had contacted and suddenly its all 'I have this from Fife police' and 'I dont know, you must of said something to Yew Tree about something that happened in Fife', aye, and loads of other places...WTF. No one from Fife has contacted me, I haven't contacted anyone from Fife.

I KNOW.  You always take down their names and dont speak them alone if you can help it.  Why does every bastard me have to learn the same bastard lessons?
Thing is.  I'm not in shock.  I'm not living day to day not knowing who I was 5 minutes ago or who I will be in 5 minutes time.  I'm not withdrawing from whatever personality destroying drug I've pumped full of for weeks.  I don't fine a DJ, a footballer,some C list celeb, family member, Royal, or someone I had previous thought of as a friend in my bedroom and getting all rapey anymore.  I'm not in refuge.  I don't have a delusional disorder diagnosis.  I am not suffering from concussion, dehydration or extreme pain.  I haven't just left a newborn in the arms of Jimmy Savile and I don't wake up on the phone anymore.  I'm not alone.

I signed some stuff so she can talk to my doctors.

'I've been looking for a lawyer.'
'Why are you doing that?'