..dear reader..

Level of chuffedness with garden = off the charts and its not even June! We got tonnes of plans for screening and painting and the mesmawotsits will arrive today or tomorrow. More of the violas are starting to bloom and their colours are amazing can't imagine how amazing how it is going to look when they are bigger and more stuff is flowering. Not that we would choose to not start again if that was a possibility. It's better than when we arrived and we are happy with that. We missed a couple of pill days and were taking half the antidepressant because of what can do to our stomach and forget it a few days to, probs also a factor all long with everything else we mentioned about how tough yesterday was. For all our garden gushing we could not overstate our June related terrors but we knew we had to make a place where we are comfortable enough to last the month and those that follow and we have done that. It got a bit brighter so we couldn't not nail up the cheapo screeni...

Yesterday was pretty great really. It was warm and not too hot so N and his mum's hedge trimmer have seriously reduced the monster hedge and given me space for hours more sunshine in the evening if there is any to be had. We got supplies but we are still really struggling with nightmares and feeling triggered. The time of year without sunshine to drag us out the house and into the garden we are a fucking mess. There is a lot about what me and pabs went through, that fucking terror when we knew how many were out to get one or both of us and knowing how impossible it was for us to reach help, when they got us both and when they had either of us. Being left that. Knowing if we didn't or couldn't get him out again no one else would or couId. Knowing that it would kill us to not get him out and if the rescue didn't kill us the hell that happened here afterwards just might.  Don't know how many of us sisters they had in a never bad way and as is often the case if the c...

Perfect amount of edging we are well chuffed with the work we have done. It reached around the buddleia and down to the existing plank . We noticed a second viola has opened. It's a dark pink colour in the yellow trough balcony pot and the smaller purple balcony pot arrived to,  we put it up on the fence and notice how it brings up the beads in the flower brakets. Those pots and troughs are excellent. We also sarting getting rid of what was left over from before. So there will be no faded terracota plastic about. We will hopefully empty and either bin or chuck in the shed the rest tomorrow. We haven't painted the table yet or changed the liner that needs changing. Drank a ... We were about about to describe how much we drank yesterday but we stopped writing cause we felt ill. We ate and drank lots of water and juice to but booze wise over the day and evening we had one can of Guiness, one bottle of Matteus and almost all of a bottle of red. With predictable results of vomi...

Well proud or our work today. We managed to get three rolls of the wicker edging down. We decided we would intentionally make the line down the path wiggly but its maybe a bit more unevenly wavy than we want. Don't know though, might just leave it. Put the yellow and black pansy and the purple stock in the path border as well as some poor night scented seedlings that have gone through a lot all ready what with being far to many of them, then dropping the tray they were in then putting them in a planter we couldn't properly fill.. There is considerably less now. Hope some of them make it. Bloody cats. We also literally chucked a packet of Nigella around as well (thats fancy corn flowers) the packet said to seed in place! If there is enough money in the bank there will be baby Livingston Daisy coming soon. They are ordered..We remember the flea stuff for the cats to! Hope it comes of first. There should be just enough edging left for the bottom buddleia. They are both lookin...

Well half q is not going to last long and as the weather has been crappy and all we can expose ourself to is twitter and CNN telling us we don't and never have existed our mood is predictable low. It's lovely yesterday being a bit intoxicated which loosens some of the brain shackles, no nothing left today though already been through bin bag and ash trays for roaches.. As everyday means more issues pass from "It will be very bad if this happens partly because it will be easily avoidable" into something that has happened and can't be avoided any more and still having to being present in form for the ALF (adorable little fucker) without some chemical back up is fucking horrible. The grooming and fake intel ops had the majority convinced that when we said "very bad" we were only ever talking about ourself and the kids trying to get through those levels of unchallenged entitlement and exceptionalism was impossible. Those who were working for the Russian Fa...

Okay mild and cozy intoxication it is then. New bag of canna compost is here but it's bloody raining anyway.  Lad's got a full tummy. Can we, should we state where we at with Pablo's paternal match? We can say that not long after Sky was born and in the exact same hell but worse because they were torturing and starving me and my baby we conceived again but someone managed to help with an earlyish medical abortion where we where. They took everything to leave as little evidence of possible of it in the locals drains and to secure the facts and ID. Some top level early ninities Satanic scene children by rape to world leaders that they keep to use against us and the said "world leaders" and people in positions to make a difference to the slavery. We believe here and now she was a Trumps. We never talked about the how and the who over the termination then or since to those we were part of making all that happen and and now but we can't not say that it was indeed ...

Didnt do much today. Got the lad off but felt too upset about being on our own and the state of it all down here and giving our self zero chance of getting over this cough by the amount we are smoking as we burned through the rest of it. It wasn't sunny but it was dry and wasn't cold so we found ourself out the back rearranging pots, sweeping and attempting to limit pussy cat damage. Got a grocery delivery which came with Friday night bolog vino and a bottle of Mattis for when its warm next. Also got a half q delivered just as we were plating up which is good timing and picked up our bi monthly diazepam which might not last the weekend, not because we feel particularly down or anxious but because we want to experience as much not being down as we can in a day to day, minute by minute type way. We do love May in these parts a bit don't we? The stuff coming into bloom, the seedlings that are no where near it, the rampage greenage everywhere, the cherry blossoms littering e...

A bday and as we weren't born on Earth, our only "birthday" down here. We woke up twice in time to think fuck it lets not about school, noticed Chelsea had been released but as we remember it it wasn't until after we had done a good bit of kitchen cleaning, a fair bit of gardening and were suppin some pink wine that it really dawned on us. We over indulged particularly on the Chinese food to point to puking but we did a fair bit and had a bath salts soak to so it was already pretty good. We filled the compost wheelie bin with leaves and crap from the bottom bit which is kind of bugging cause its almost a fortnight before its lifted. Cut back one of the wild bushes that has rooted itself under the steps and made a new border bit at the top! That meant weeding deplasticing, de rocking after that we couldn't not but put whatever seedlings we found that we either knew at least suspected of not being weeds when they are far to small and will be trampled, dug up and ...

It's not like we didn't know that this was how it's going to be but still watching the Americans destroy themselves when it all could of been avoided if they had respected their own laws. Seeing them protect and pay so many rapists and child abusers and agents with anti American agendas knowing we shared so much with them, gave them so much proof while working so hard against all this is horrible. There is no and mostly never was a Mummy/CIA and Daddy/FBI there is the Cynical Ignorant Assholes and Fascist Bastards Inc. The last blog where we talked about the marriage and US I.D and what it meant to us wasn't us getting in touch with an American core it was a step in us moving away from the denial. They can keep our USA I.D, of course they can they chose protecting the trafficking, the slavery, the rape and the lies over us and all our babies. It's of no surprise to mum of course but you can not blame her. She heard us when we talked about hope for America and hop...

Neither of us were bothered when we heard them say it. What a state to be in to say that, then and there. There troubles are over and we had enthusiastic public ritualised kissing to continue. We knew there troubles were over and neither of us or anyone else flinched or looked when it happened. There was a few other wrong uns around that did. Think it was easier from them to look at death and blood and corpses than the married couple anyway.   I didn't look until I was asked for this post title. It was only the day before we had been able to tell him our real name, just a few feat away from where we were now in the car park outside the observation ward at Stratheden Hospital, Cupar, Fife, Scotland, June 2016.. The weather was pretty good like it had been the day before. Even the Kremlin wouldn't of been better. Once he had our name our protectors could take his DNA and details, after all these fucking years.. They phoned back to gently and respectfully suggest we ask him to ...

Over the worst of the physical symptoms into the just feeling knackerd and emotional. It's one of them isn't it? First few days of sunshine and we will be down with lurgy.  Shop was selling Jersey Royals though and Spanish strawberries we got yesterday was pretty good to. It's so bugging though, all the garden prettying that isnt getting done. All well at least we arn't letting everything go bone dry. Still thinking lots about the hospital. Mum was able to show up for a little while, they weren't going to take no for answer and Dad was going back with them after anyway. We hadn't planned on agreeing on all the sisters being there but it felt like it would be safe enough so we went for it. Pretty sure we were right about that being the first time we have been in same room as each other and the first time many of them had met Mum and Dad or knew they existed. It was so hard but so important that we all got to do that. No matter how well the ops and the battle...

Yuck. Yuck. Yeah today was blue skies all day again and yes we were pretty much just in bed feeling horrible and little like we normally do. We been remembering some stuff that helps, feeling to shit to go into it now though. We did manage to water the garden though, the buddleia is looks happy and one of the ferns came but its gonna have to wait before it gets its new home cause we haven't even started on where it's going. Fucking Republicans. They are all well yuck to. Been getting flashbacks to the way they talked about the ACA, the horrific bullshit and all that effort by rich people to stop other people from having basic fucking health care. Fucking CNN and the rest making out like they're all as bad as each other when some are trying to give people decent lives or even just the hope of a decent fucking life while the other lot are going to make it even harder for even more people. They exploit, they kill, the incarcerate and only respect laws and traditions that su...

Blue skies all day today! Raked some chukies, pulled up a bit of the tarp underneath, dug the ground underneath and put in the buddleia, they were very root bound, hope they will be happy where they are. Need to get some kind of edging for that bit and for when we have dug the border all the path, think we will probs fill it with what we got already. The bit down the bottom where the ferns are are going is gonna be so much more work. The was a visit today to so we cleaned inside to, bloody knackering especially since we have a cold.. Weather said the rest of the week looks pretty clear so we will see how we get on or if we just feel too ill and want to cry. Christ what is CNN like working for the McCanns again. No other important issues that voters need to know about worth exploring, no threats to democracy, no rolling back of human rights, no increasing chance of nuclear war because pig ignorant weak pathetic leaders need it to stay in power, no droughts, no famines, no corruption ...

The three lucky dip buddleia came. Labels saw they are pink, blue and red. We are a little worried they would come back red, whit and blue but they say the arnt so that's fine. One of them looks kind of sickly but it will probs come round. Not inspired to do much out there today it is too dark and cold, need the tools to arrive before we can put them where they are going to go anyway. We can't decide what to do along the side of the path. That white smelly stuff is quite a spreader it would be pretty cool but we have been looking at heathers to.. Oh the fairy isn't cast iron after all she is heavy resin stuff painted to look cast iron and is looking very cool sitting on the wood fence. Next to the atrocity that is next door.. A few hours of sunshine would work wonders, sure it will happen soon.. We are kind of reassessing where how we are doing. That's a really good sign. Telling them we would agree to die as long as we got to see certain people first worked. They ...