..dear reader..

T’will be momentus. Happy Street, rocket house. Level II.. Almost there just waiting for us to cross the 3 mil mark and for the LED to be made after friggin Pepin made an offer we couldn’t refuse. Should be in an hour or two then we can start the four days or whatever it takes fot the little hard hat dude to change a bunch of pixels. We also have to tidy up our Tribez the civic centre is getting there but the industrial and agricultural areas are just a mess. The wedding area on the beach could do with some work to.. Past the worst when it comes to giving these distractions real cash. The odd wee couple of quid deal is cool been ending up with not enough a lot recently but its Monday and we have baccy and skins to without aggravating our aches by searching under the bed for strays. Am just finishing the last of the milk this now though and haven’t eat a full meal in a couple of days but hopefully next week we will manage all seven days. Even though we are buying a new bed because ...

It hits like nicotine cravings during the worst of the withdrawal. This isnt safe, no one is ever going to take care of me here, need hugs. Over and over. Its tiring and painful so we do what we can to feel comfortable and sleep or even enjoy a distraction but we know it will hit again the moment we wake. There has been moments recently though when we are the girl swearing she would get out that room and away from those people and from being put through such horrible extremes and know she has. They said I couldn’t because I am alone. They didnt think it was possible for anyone to do anything alone never mind a breeder after everything that is done to them and everything institutionally in place to keep us down and out to clinging by our fingers. We where forced to spend lots of time with pthrt girls who never had any help and when they were training them to be like us we were watching them for how to apear us ruined as they were. It spoke to prejudices everywhere. Comforted and encour...

All this could disappear without warning and all that we would be left with the title and nothing else..again.. Too many scripted times of baccyless, not enough food, hungry pusses recently for the buying of any more tech. Particularly as the bed has put up with being propped up by books and shoved against the headboard its supposed to be attached to for years is finally given up. The mattress is kinda curved at the moment which is lovely and womb like but we are worried more of it will collapsed at any moment and it is hardly going to be a big trauma but the not knowing if or when isn't ideal for getting to sleep.. Don't really fancy putting on the mattress on the floor because we will have to hoover first and how will it not trigger? We will be sleeping on the mattress alone in a scary place playing stinking "at least.." games with our self. Next week its high priority though. Had to put landlord (who we accidentally paid twice) and hash guy first this week.. Ther...

Getting back into a place where pain even when its not that bad is driving us mental. The boredom is also getting to us. But worst of all is being in an adult body with adult responsibilities when i feel so little and no one is helping us or even talking to us so we can feel stronger and not keep in contact with all our tortured, terrified, bitter or numb parts. Not that we thought they would. They tortured us into total dissociation and then conditioned us with Western norms and we were extremely amnesiac and didnt know the norms are fake, pretend all for show and will never be applied to us or ours. She is the one that had faith or hope in Earth authorities, she is the one that is shocked whenever something horrible is done or said to us. She has come a long way since being told by others she was too powerful and too important to be completely amnesiac and then left to be split again. She is so angry so petrified and we struggle to reach her especially as we have nothing to say th...

Hi Daddies, The new pens arrived today we would of got them on Friday but we were out! No walks today though. We did good last week with walks, eating, teeth brushing, meds, house work.but mood has dropped and pain level has risen since then. Hopefully when we get some solids tomorrow we will start feeling better.  Hate it when we dread dude coming home from school because we will have to sound like we are ok. We probably wouldn't cook much or eat meals much though if it wasnt for him though and we usually feel better after some non junk food wish we could buy and cook more tasty healthy stuff. And there was someone else around to cook. That would be even better. Still wading through a head full of fictions. It upsets us lots to be away from people and places that would help us sort it all out really quickly, impossible to see how there will ever br an end to it from here. We did everything we set out to do and some so that must surely have involved ending this lonely and conf...

Vrrr Daddy.  Would love a bath we are really sore and yucky. Tomorrow is gonna be even worse than today as we are truly out of bin baccy and the hrating will be off all night tonight. We got some donated food and two fags yesterday thats something but no toilet roll.. Of course we couldn’t adjust to not relying on Niall straight away. We couldn’t let the programmers know we would of finally be able to say bye no Niall without the rings stepping in and taking us out and getting someone else to tell Niall we needed his “support” or worse force us to. Its the usual thing we dont wont to be here, the violence and horror that put us here isnt undone, it isnt addresssed or safe now we got the worst of the tech we havent made people care about care themselves and each other. We cant accept being here for another hour and day so planning a week or two weeks money is so hard. Even though we have no real sense of any justice or real change any time soon. Thought writing might help but its...

Its singular isnt it not plural in the way some of us want to mean. There is a sadness with it all wee associate with having lost bits of of our mind or soul. Its not easy to look into it it feels too raw, too painful in ways we are not ready to deal with yet. So glad we do not need to keep all thoughts of you pushwd way way down and kept locked away from many of us. There was always so many trying anything to grt you to get us both so we couldnt save each other. Will have to get a really cheap laptop for the word puke. Dont want to use tablet battry for writing to you Daddy I need it for distraction games.. my little happy street is looking wonderful, ive been raising through the tiers with my little pirates and an winter event in the hidden object game.. i am a very busy girl! Pain nasty today but picked up painkillers yesterday and its the stronger ones so they arenakint a cozy difference. They haf oz of adequate solid is going very quickly. We just miss you too much. All those...