July 23, 2014

Awake, alive & everyone is here

Careful now, don't casually read. Especially if not having a good day. 


The washing machine is in it's spin cycle. Our brain does what it is supposed to do and recalls the being raped on our kitchen floor in 2000 - 2001. Putting all they had into matching the violence of the spin as often as they could fit in to their schedules. He's purple in the face. Spity and sweaty screaming  'scream bitch' I'm passing out from pain.  

A different crew are doing the same thing and asking me what I'm going to do when I remember what I will do know. They are more sophisticated and experienced in thier DID/sexual tortute skills. The young media/entertainment types that been used by the same groups as us growing up.  We were all in our late teens and twenties now, they were getting their rewards and I was getting my punishment. The other guys were criminal classes.  Contracted in I guess you could say. The pretence behind them was supposed to be some gang BS that most likely had nothing to do with us. When they went through the same steps, what would I do when I remembered, I said the stuff I knew I'd probably do, the stuff I am doing. 

'Blog it' the guy who was on me laughed, the washing machine wasn't spinning. The other snorted to but looked confused I couldn't and can't tell if it was faked or not.  He then started asking why and I explained.  He says they will be off now but they put us through the usual routines first dispute me crying and begging them not to because it didn't make any difference I couldn't forget things anymore.  They were different to usual they seemed stressed and one of them pretty much admited they had no choice.  

They left me clean, dressed and lieing on the kitchen floor in the same spot, so I would think the pain was from a flashback and not now.  They knew when they left that we weren't amnesiac we bitched and begged the whole way through.

'We'll be off then' meant I was out of that particular trafficking scene.  I had done so well. I knew the younger generation BBC, media powers, dance music scence, their porn and crime crews would be back though. I was no where further forward there..

I wept about it until I realised I was lieing on the kitchen floor, crying about getting so far, knowing who I was, understanding my DID and what was going on and  how much that was not what most of the abusers had in mind and laughed a bit.

. I had already won.


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