Little things, do little things.
Back in the just wanting to cry all the time place. Wish we got be put in touch with the mental health team when we first asked or the month after that. Now we are feeling terrified of the damage the NHS has done. Could possibly ask about upping our antidepressants that's a straightforward question and easier to say than attempting to ask for help, any help.
We can be distracted with Jane or hidden objects but when we stop to go for a pee or a smoke we are back to holding back the sods and knowing is not a case of if we let them go we will feel better. Think we need to quit the media again. We got into for a while, watching clips of mainly msnbc and Coldbeer's late show. Pablo laughed so much at Colbert once that he spilled his juice over us both. But now instead of feeling positive because of investigations into crappy criminals that are the dump org and swathes of the right wing and fake left we just hear "you don't exist and any crimes committed against you, your children and anyone who cares about you are not crimes because you don't exist in any legal way and no one will ever risk anything for you and yours."
The stinking dreams. The much resented reliance on codiene to raise our mood just a teeny tiny fraction and the internal battles over whether we should take it and not knowing when we dont need it and when we are just denying ourself something that might help, even just a fraction. The effort it takes to pretend to Pablo that we don't feel so bad. The guilt for when it shows and not hanging out with him much.
It's all too ouch.
But we gotta keep waiting and doing what we can to stop us from dipping further. We promised.
We can be distracted with Jane or hidden objects but when we stop to go for a pee or a smoke we are back to holding back the sods and knowing is not a case of if we let them go we will feel better. Think we need to quit the media again. We got into for a while, watching clips of mainly msnbc and Coldbeer's late show. Pablo laughed so much at Colbert once that he spilled his juice over us both. But now instead of feeling positive because of investigations into crappy criminals that are the dump org and swathes of the right wing and fake left we just hear "you don't exist and any crimes committed against you, your children and anyone who cares about you are not crimes because you don't exist in any legal way and no one will ever risk anything for you and yours."
The stinking dreams. The much resented reliance on codiene to raise our mood just a teeny tiny fraction and the internal battles over whether we should take it and not knowing when we dont need it and when we are just denying ourself something that might help, even just a fraction. The effort it takes to pretend to Pablo that we don't feel so bad. The guilt for when it shows and not hanging out with him much.
It's all too ouch.
But we gotta keep waiting and doing what we can to stop us from dipping further. We promised.
