No more marching for us
Hello reader,
Feeling quite miserable tonight. Lots of the usual reasons, like the no cannabis and the endless depressing desperate hunt for it in our vivid friendless dreams, the nature of Earth, the way the past keeps throwing constant hurdles at our attempts at making a better present and future. Couldn't mediate because we kept getting flashes. Can't buy knee supports or books on arthritis because there is not enough money. They are both still pretty bad and we have no idea what to do about it. Keep not phoning the docs, it has to be done in the morning because of the system they use and the knee pains and dream dread is keeping us awake most nights. We know there will be useful stuff on the internet but we also know there is lots of bullshit out there to and we are very cynical about the existence of "reliable sources". Physical books are easier for us to read and evaluate. Either way we need to find out about how to not make them worse, how to exercise, head in the direction of eating better to loose the extra stone or two and if any foods help.
As unlikely as we feel it will be that we will get a physiotherapist from the NHS, we definitely won't get one if we don't ask. Same with more money from the gov for orthopedic stuff like a mattress, shoes. Damn.
We finished the book we bought on the 26th. It had us trying to mediate but the flashes of torture and horror stopped us. We know its called " practicing " meditation, we used to use the guided stuff, pabs still does we should probably go back to that. A recurring theme in it is the books of well established author that we have been warned of but might be big enough and here enough to give it go now. Another important aspect in it was assisted suicide and we found ourself filling in some of the blanks in the deaths of Laura and our mother as we read it.
Oh and we have got a doc to write a letter to the mental health team. But now we got to focus on the physical. Our official bullshit age has us at 40 and we have all kinds of memories and senses saying we are a couple of years younger we are going to have to fight to get support and to self care in terms of the arthritis we don't want it taking away the what quality of life we have.
Feeling quite miserable tonight. Lots of the usual reasons, like the no cannabis and the endless depressing desperate hunt for it in our vivid friendless dreams, the nature of Earth, the way the past keeps throwing constant hurdles at our attempts at making a better present and future. Couldn't mediate because we kept getting flashes. Can't buy knee supports or books on arthritis because there is not enough money. They are both still pretty bad and we have no idea what to do about it. Keep not phoning the docs, it has to be done in the morning because of the system they use and the knee pains and dream dread is keeping us awake most nights. We know there will be useful stuff on the internet but we also know there is lots of bullshit out there to and we are very cynical about the existence of "reliable sources". Physical books are easier for us to read and evaluate. Either way we need to find out about how to not make them worse, how to exercise, head in the direction of eating better to loose the extra stone or two and if any foods help.
As unlikely as we feel it will be that we will get a physiotherapist from the NHS, we definitely won't get one if we don't ask. Same with more money from the gov for orthopedic stuff like a mattress, shoes. Damn.
We finished the book we bought on the 26th. It had us trying to mediate but the flashes of torture and horror stopped us. We know its called " practicing " meditation, we used to use the guided stuff, pabs still does we should probably go back to that. A recurring theme in it is the books of well established author that we have been warned of but might be big enough and here enough to give it go now. Another important aspect in it was assisted suicide and we found ourself filling in some of the blanks in the deaths of Laura and our mother as we read it.
Oh and we have got a doc to write a letter to the mental health team. But now we got to focus on the physical. Our official bullshit age has us at 40 and we have all kinds of memories and senses saying we are a couple of years younger we are going to have to fight to get support and to self care in terms of the arthritis we don't want it taking away the what quality of life we have.
