Noice

Sleep fear and aches have been real bad but it did mean we moved the dresser and started putting the books back on the book case at half eight in the morning. Could sleep after that. Chuffed. Couldn't stop ourself from pointless searching in the dresser drawers for something wonderful before having a little cry, then carrying on. Did find some codiene in a dressing gown pocket we were binning, very relieved all out other than that and am going to need it for our knees. Almost managed to not take the last we thought we had but when we closed our eyes to try and sleep in the early hours we heard what sounded and felt like us being raped so we pulled ourself out of that gave up on the sleeping, took the pills and added to lists on amazon. Incense, floral scented candles, fantasy gardening, dried or fake flowers for the fireplace and vest tops mostly.

Needs a hanging plant at the window... Damn just noticed we forgot to move tea cup..

Asda didn't try to hard at knocking with our order and we didn't here the phone because the ringer was turned of, its always bloody turned off and we can never remember doing it but also because we were hoovering. They didn't come back or get in touch so no wine in the bath after all our efforts to help out with the aches for us. Asked for a refund and really am going to make an effort to stop using them.

Brought back lots of the previous crappiness that surrounds the awfulness of previous years. Like asda taking the money for a delivery but not being able to deliver it because of snow and it taking days for the money to come back, leaving us with nothing.

Same with the delivery food we ordered but really counldnt afford when we knew asda wasn't coming. It took about and hour and half and that was like times in Dundee when food took hours and were bullshitted to whenever we phoned, we were exhausted and so messed up that if and it arrived we couldnt eat. Dude was just little, could see him fading to. Lots of times when shit like that happens to us in the past it hasn't been random. Not that we definitely think it wasn't random this time just that either way it brings those feelings of not only having to protect, defend ourself and survive authorities, thugs and wealthy, well connected networks but also we won't be getting any help or comfort from normal folk, workers, skint folk, young people either.

Those helpless, hopeless feelings.

We good at making home nice though and are not as run down, exhausted from trauma, care of a little one whilst being alone and in extreme danger as before though. Not we could think of ourself as safe course either though! But we not having to block out or file away lots that happens day to day and don't have to bullshit ourself just to keep going.