They are not getting any better.
A doc has looked at them though, how the fuck do we prepare for the "has there been previous injury" questions? There are not going to get it in a couple of minutes, probably but we have no idea how bad and if there has been it won't be in the records even if you had them and had the time to go through them all. He described the left knee as "not happy".. And we both had a laugh when he commented on it clicking and I said " everything clicks". An actual referral though, one that we probably be able to make it to and have the same issues with not knowing our own history of injuries.
"We know that when our hands were tortured in 2013 or 14 it gave us flashbacks of them being tortured before and we have a vague impression of something being done to our knees but can't remember much does that help?"
Doc seemed decent enough but he did do though whole "dredging up the past isn't helpful" line about our mental health and ongoing referral for that. Hate that. Who the fuck is teaching GPs to say that? If a person is capable of putting it all behind them and getting on with their life, keeping busy then that is what they will do. People don't give themselves constant nightmares they don't start triggering themselves so they are no longer able to function. We cant function we have tried everything we can to feel better it doesn't work so we ask for help.. Fucking British attitudes to trauma and its long term consequences, seriously abusive, unceasingly victim blaming and utterly science phobic when it comes to post traumatic conditions.
We need a new mattress, but there is no way we can afford one. This old cheap lumpy one is not helping anything. Hope the council tax bill we got isn't the final one because if it is they want well over a 100 a month from us when our benefits have been cut by about a third and they are taking 95 off us now because of the advance, the budgeting loan and the tax credits overpayment (tax credits said we were on income support and we were on ESA and maybe this would of made a difference if we were able to tell them but we couldn't).
Still gotta spend a little on the garden though. Had to give the council 40 for a garden waste bin which I don't think I would of had to if I had ordered it a few weeks ago when their wasn't anything to put in it. It makes us happy and we need to do things that make us happy.. Would rather not be buying knee supports and knee pads but we can't do anything that involves kneeling that's what triggered this. Apparently we can get money back for fabric supports, so hoping they come with a receipt as we don't have a printer and we bought them online. Also hoping we can phone the number, to get the form to ask, its also how we would get a voucher or something for a dentist and an eye test, neither are gonna result in no further action required and neither are gonna fix themselves. :(
Set off a letter to Universal credit, a free post address that doesn't include an actual physical address I presume because Universal credit is kicking the shit out of the already down and they don't want anyone turning up at the building to object. No email address of course just the online journal and a phone number that we can't use.
Last fitness note was only for three weeks.. We tried working, not because they were forcing us Pabs was still little but because we wanted to see if we could. And we couldn't and its been 10ish years of trauma and shittiness since then and we don't want to try again this year and probs never will of they are pilling on the anxiety. We want to, we will live away from the traffickers, be they the handled neighbours and neighbourhood , the "family of origin" or the "friends" and all of their gloating and threats. We know we are not for work and are preparing ourself to have to do what we did before, show a bunch of strangers a glimpse into our dissociated spectrum knowing it will leave us unable to get out of bed for weeks after to prove it.
Maybe the knee thing will hell. :(. Normal sitting is a nightmare. Pabs has been a darling brought us one of his pillows and keeps saying the lovely stuff we say to him. Its hard for him to remember not to lean on us and our knees when watching Netflix together and that really hurts. Fucked up with an appointment for him and his ASD on Monday, didn't have any transport pennies and walking there and back did not seem like a good idea. Maybe we should of but we are in tears or close to tears most nights without walking miles. Darg.
Seeds are quite cheap we have ordered some (cornflowers and stock) and losing patience and sticking plug plants where they were sewn isn't an option now. If we can get any plug plants we will be hardening them and taking better care of them than we have in the past. Gonna be damn hard getting that broom or whatever it is out but we will do much better at taking breaks and listening to our body without the sickos next-door and their scripted abuse on repeat but getting worse the more we ignore it and as the summer progresses.
Codiene kicking in, got some wine left to. But yeah weed would be bad for us..
"We know that when our hands were tortured in 2013 or 14 it gave us flashbacks of them being tortured before and we have a vague impression of something being done to our knees but can't remember much does that help?"
Doc seemed decent enough but he did do though whole "dredging up the past isn't helpful" line about our mental health and ongoing referral for that. Hate that. Who the fuck is teaching GPs to say that? If a person is capable of putting it all behind them and getting on with their life, keeping busy then that is what they will do. People don't give themselves constant nightmares they don't start triggering themselves so they are no longer able to function. We cant function we have tried everything we can to feel better it doesn't work so we ask for help.. Fucking British attitudes to trauma and its long term consequences, seriously abusive, unceasingly victim blaming and utterly science phobic when it comes to post traumatic conditions.
We need a new mattress, but there is no way we can afford one. This old cheap lumpy one is not helping anything. Hope the council tax bill we got isn't the final one because if it is they want well over a 100 a month from us when our benefits have been cut by about a third and they are taking 95 off us now because of the advance, the budgeting loan and the tax credits overpayment (tax credits said we were on income support and we were on ESA and maybe this would of made a difference if we were able to tell them but we couldn't).
Still gotta spend a little on the garden though. Had to give the council 40 for a garden waste bin which I don't think I would of had to if I had ordered it a few weeks ago when their wasn't anything to put in it. It makes us happy and we need to do things that make us happy.. Would rather not be buying knee supports and knee pads but we can't do anything that involves kneeling that's what triggered this. Apparently we can get money back for fabric supports, so hoping they come with a receipt as we don't have a printer and we bought them online. Also hoping we can phone the number, to get the form to ask, its also how we would get a voucher or something for a dentist and an eye test, neither are gonna result in no further action required and neither are gonna fix themselves. :(
Set off a letter to Universal credit, a free post address that doesn't include an actual physical address I presume because Universal credit is kicking the shit out of the already down and they don't want anyone turning up at the building to object. No email address of course just the online journal and a phone number that we can't use.
Last fitness note was only for three weeks.. We tried working, not because they were forcing us Pabs was still little but because we wanted to see if we could. And we couldn't and its been 10ish years of trauma and shittiness since then and we don't want to try again this year and probs never will of they are pilling on the anxiety. We want to, we will live away from the traffickers, be they the handled neighbours and neighbourhood , the "family of origin" or the "friends" and all of their gloating and threats. We know we are not for work and are preparing ourself to have to do what we did before, show a bunch of strangers a glimpse into our dissociated spectrum knowing it will leave us unable to get out of bed for weeks after to prove it.
Maybe the knee thing will hell. :(. Normal sitting is a nightmare. Pabs has been a darling brought us one of his pillows and keeps saying the lovely stuff we say to him. Its hard for him to remember not to lean on us and our knees when watching Netflix together and that really hurts. Fucked up with an appointment for him and his ASD on Monday, didn't have any transport pennies and walking there and back did not seem like a good idea. Maybe we should of but we are in tears or close to tears most nights without walking miles. Darg.
Seeds are quite cheap we have ordered some (cornflowers and stock) and losing patience and sticking plug plants where they were sewn isn't an option now. If we can get any plug plants we will be hardening them and taking better care of them than we have in the past. Gonna be damn hard getting that broom or whatever it is out but we will do much better at taking breaks and listening to our body without the sickos next-door and their scripted abuse on repeat but getting worse the more we ignore it and as the summer progresses.
Codiene kicking in, got some wine left to. But yeah weed would be bad for us..
