overfeeling
Too much feelings to eat. Had a wonderful walk today though. Really wonderful. So glad we moved here. Been missing our old house though because it was a house, a kitchen with space for a table, a microwave AND chopping board space. Missing the pusses of course to but not the shed next door, the summer days and evenings of constant unbelievable verbal and all the night time violence we can't remember but know we walked away from when others didn't. Don't miss the piss, puke, flea infested carpets and how they were a constant reminder of how we are seen and treated and how nothing we or any one else did or could do would change that. With have trees outside some of our windows here and no spitting when we leave the house just people saying hello.
It's kind of impossible to sufficiently distract ourself from everything we were put through and couldn't acknowledge at the time by ourself. Not that we wish to always avoid all of it but to have some help at doing and being someone else would make such a fucking difference. Think the tiredness from the walk has inspired some bitterness it's not difficult there is so much to be bitter about but I think we do well at not eating ourself up but also not just accepting that things are always going to be some shade of fucking awful for us and that if we haven't forced it to happen it won't happen. Sometimes. To survive though has been dependent on knowing there is no safe people and the more they are in a place to help us the less chance there is of seeing any genuine compassion or truth from them and that's not just a formal power thing but skint and struggling people we have met to because a little humanity goes such a long way if your starved of it.
There is another factor in our emotionalness and not just our repeated failure in getting to the docs for pills from stopping the hormone swings and the not particularly regular bleeding. We had given up on it but they are in fact backdating the UC. So we are all ''this is amazing'' and ''hang on think of where you have been and what you have done .'' It's not in yet but we are already working on an amazon list. Would like us to stop seeing clothes buying as an extravagance because it's not, it's getting colder and with that attitude we end up with stuff that doesn't fit, is so cheap that it just makes us sweaty and uncomfortable. Dude needs new fluffys to. Should be able to avoid the bin baky for a while and that is a definite positive.
Been reading Virginia Woolf, finally finished To The Lighthouse and have started The Waves. It's kind of suiting were we are at and our broken attention suits stream of consciousness, no we didn't miss a chunk it did just totally change subject and voice.
Been watching a fair bit of MSNBC still can't bare any Brits. Really wanting to slap Pelosi and her fear that doing her job could backfire politically, sure the same arguments were used during the rise of Hitler.
It's kind of impossible to sufficiently distract ourself from everything we were put through and couldn't acknowledge at the time by ourself. Not that we wish to always avoid all of it but to have some help at doing and being someone else would make such a fucking difference. Think the tiredness from the walk has inspired some bitterness it's not difficult there is so much to be bitter about but I think we do well at not eating ourself up but also not just accepting that things are always going to be some shade of fucking awful for us and that if we haven't forced it to happen it won't happen. Sometimes. To survive though has been dependent on knowing there is no safe people and the more they are in a place to help us the less chance there is of seeing any genuine compassion or truth from them and that's not just a formal power thing but skint and struggling people we have met to because a little humanity goes such a long way if your starved of it.
There is another factor in our emotionalness and not just our repeated failure in getting to the docs for pills from stopping the hormone swings and the not particularly regular bleeding. We had given up on it but they are in fact backdating the UC. So we are all ''this is amazing'' and ''hang on think of where you have been and what you have done .'' It's not in yet but we are already working on an amazon list. Would like us to stop seeing clothes buying as an extravagance because it's not, it's getting colder and with that attitude we end up with stuff that doesn't fit, is so cheap that it just makes us sweaty and uncomfortable. Dude needs new fluffys to. Should be able to avoid the bin baky for a while and that is a definite positive.
Been reading Virginia Woolf, finally finished To The Lighthouse and have started The Waves. It's kind of suiting were we are at and our broken attention suits stream of consciousness, no we didn't miss a chunk it did just totally change subject and voice.
Been watching a fair bit of MSNBC still can't bare any Brits. Really wanting to slap Pelosi and her fear that doing her job could backfire politically, sure the same arguments were used during the rise of Hitler.
