Twin. Don't forget your socks.
If I remembered both it triggered all the work they forced us today for mum and bro and how amnesiac they both were of it. All set up the way to destroy any hope or love left in us. Were times in Dundee especially when the worst had been fought back or silenced for while and bairn and I were alright in the flat but could hear and feel everything and everyone around them and we felt infinitely freer and generally better off than both of them. That guy next to you that encourages you to forget or not worry about me well he's got my number on speed dial and he's not trying to help. It helped to remember that when attempting to address the abuser controlled DID you were both rocking whilst not making my own worse. And I thought We were nuts. Got to enforce some basics over your living and sleeping space.
We both got our final hugs didn't We? How generous of them. I handed over new tech and intel that the Brits have been hoarding, stealing and murdering over my whole life to an array of foreign nationals. Thinking about the helps with how it felt to hold you after as you broke whilst being too fucking surrounded to be fully present. So done with all this shit James.
Got a day or two of delicious rock hard little nuggets left. Not thinking about how this is all going to work when they run out. It's not working for Us as it is. Mourning drinking. Painstakingly detangling decades of wires intentionally crossed in our head. Again. We knew it was on the way but still we were not fully prepared for the exhaustion that hit was when it was made formally actually properly real and official that mother was asking to reconnect and catch her up on anything missed. For a moment it all came into view. Everything we had done, everyone who had helped, everything lost, everything going to be lost, everything yet to do. It wasn't exactly a flash either it stayed it came into mind vividly and refused to leave until I had really looked it over. We wobbled but didn't drop the call. Felt like the absolute fucking business afterwards before the exhaustion took over.
We would have glossed or played some sleight of hand shit and a lot but she was pretty pretty strict We were also pretty strict about the fact that as I couldn't vouch for her safety any more than she could ours I definitely wasn't going to give her information that was quite possibly going to floor her. So that meant lovely chilled out totally safe chats with her highest security people who of course We had all kinds of history with. We did it because she was our mum, not because we needed to know what remote controlled creatures and extreme fascists inhabited the Queens top security and the schemes to harm her they were involved in. Already knew all about that all ready written up as much I was ever going to have to stomach to write up. She had to keep talking me into it though. We were so sick of it all.
It was worth it though, getting her back meant getting me back. We heard ourself talking about everything We had done. Fixing connections between parts as we went. The people that surround you have always been on the same if not a higher level of evil what the fuckness her's. So we had to shelve you because we just wanted to tell you everything when you were the worst person to tell. We need our spell checker. And your on a different land mass it's not all the easy for me to turn up find out exactly what is going on. Watching you to chatter and make up like two alien toddlers made it worth while as well.
It would be good if one of our birdies could take you here and then take us all home. Mum would love us to spend Christmas in London together but I'm also sure she wanted us to be formally notified. And for none of us to have been separated and tortured.
Both our safety and sanity have been very effected by things that were happening to either one of us. The use one to fuck up the other even one or both of us is amnesiac and far far away. It's definitely fucked me us up anyway. We were doing some amazingly important work and they got at you and stopped me from doing this. Everyone who works with me needs you to be safe even if don't fully understand why or from whom. 'Secure the stupid twin' is always a small number every time when allocating numbers to operational steps. Also of course the more time together we are the more sense both of us start making sense. No wonder they keep us apart. Fly fucking coach. Pray. And I'll see you in a few hours?
Nothing feels though. Guess if your locked up for murdering a heap of people that is a forgivable excuse but maybe you haven't tried your immunities out for a while? Don't think We ever quite told you how nifty they are not enough of you anyway. They are very nifty. Exceedingly nifty.
There is few enough. of those delicious solid green lumps that it's starting to cause concern. Anxiety spasm like a kick in the guts type concern. Fucking weird those calls with the three of us. I'm only doing this because my DID directs me to. We had to keep repeating if because the tortured E.Ps were taking up so much space and would loose it in the presence of real loving family.
Knowing the space needed for us to have those calls would mean halting somethings in Aberdeen and watching them have to turn on their own networks was absolutely delicious. But of course there was also times where I was looking forward to the Fife levels of dissociation that were to come. And it did really really break my heart when those wires were recrossed again. But then she called me because together We had figured out enough space and time for our own calls after.
They are on the lowest heat possible. It would be absolutely heart breaking also if we scorched those very small green balls. One day.. Big flat clusters dried in their own sweet time.
Without herb. The only answer to the anxiety is navynavynavy.. Wolves. Flicker. Knowing my mum asked for six months after her death and I'd already given her the year. A crueler sister would take a pic of the meager supplies to shame and trigger you but I am not her. They see anything I own as theirs to keep me from like it's my mothers'. Yeah they I've offered to sign over all sorts if they will just let me leave. Cause I can't actually sign anything over to the yanks. Cause we're at war. They will use every penny, every cent to hurt me and anything I care about.
A world where the USA isn't doing that Sir will sounds like a utopia at the moment Sir. Yeah all that shit that is going to happen happening does make all of that utopian shit a lot more possible. It's not like I'm actually capable of doing anything actually stupid anyway. Yeah exactly I am a fucking slave and every fucking second of it counts and my mum was a slave to and she was also the Queen and a bunch of other real accomplishment shit and she still couldn't get herself our of slavery. Who the fuck am I?
True. No they tried but she was always wrapped up in ancient earth shit couldn't get her to see the bigger bigger picture stuff any more than I could. Yes actually and you were right it did help see where our positions are different. Yep the different fathers is relevant. She was shocked at how much and we finally got to laugh about it. I'm already rich Mum and it's nothing to do with you. None of it helps me out tonight or tomorrow morning though does it Sir?
..or put more simply mother, it's the KKK.. Or rather the KKK working closely with the RAF over child trafficking and torture. With all the assortment of industry support because of the rings. The UK and the US will not allow me to formally exist. If I'm anyone. I'm Louise Elizabeth Johnston, third daughter of Margo and Bill. 1979. No brother. No you. Your a mangled voice at the end of the phone that I'm pretty sure has a different source to the last time. Yeah Toby not Petey.
We overthink it don't We? All the shit is down and it's made no fucking material difference. Basic and primal rather than some lesson we need to learn. Just fucking unpleasant and most likely avoidable. Part of life.
But because of the early stuff the separated us. Me having work to do from a tiny age. And a lot of stuff pulling me away from you not all of it innocently and me knowing how horrific and impossible to survive things were We didn't want to lean on you, like we said, we lean on you and then your not there anymore and I fall over. Really hard because I was sharing everything with someone and now they are not there at all. Not even any real memory to hold on to. Just a knowledge that things were very different to how they were and it was so recently.
Wolves go fetch my brother.
