Bastard (fuck the British Establishment)
Its not so bad, my arm. Hate that we are screaming like that. Not remembering as much as reliving everything that dragged us here. We are still mending bridges in our mind though. Blokes holding up notes, pointing at the profile and then pointing down at us. All so funny. Got the procurers excited in a different way. It was obvious they got off on uttering the very words to punters. Posh palace paper pushers hated us and would still do anything to end this particular embarresment. Everyone else loves us but no where was ever safe for long. It was used in the Scottish RA as an excuse for other kids to be trained to distrust and trigger us. While anything we built up on our own would be undermined when it got out. When we were accepted we knew the violence was on its way and soon we would be back in Britain, torture, rescues, hiding, programming, escapes, capture, torture.. Filthy Soviet spy, little bastard whore and all. But they dont rape me mum and they care people and how can this get worse look at what your own people are doing to you.
Not all bad of course. Food. Hugs. Education. Takes a longtime to wish you could go outside if you have massive palaces to explore..
To scary often though. Round any corner could be the end to warmth and care and we would be back shivering, flithy and starving living feral in Scotland. Or worse. Like being kept to be bled dry for everything they can get with no respite until you are husk they can fill with their hate and their agendas.
We were so close when I was younger. She told me everything and was so loving and affectionate when she could be but the violence and all intricate nets off bullshit and brutality did its job.
We dont know whats going to happen but we have more sense now than to engage in any body and soul destroying efforts based on absolute impossibility that we could be left alone to build a life from the hate and slave trade they have surrounded us with here in Scotland. The posh evil paper pushers and the sick fucks win. They generally do.
Could do one of the major jobs that we wished we could of done last year since we are stuck here anyway. The kitchen has been not only cleaned but painted and winter fest deco up. Green, of course. We always want everywhere painted green. Its pretty marvelous.. Absolutely exhausted.
Wee man still needs to be in an environment where he can let go of his amnesia and his upfront Scottish programmed part so he can heal and begin his life as do I.
Christ that therapist was fucking awful. I cant believe we survived those years in Dundee and we are not saying that from a position of ignorance about all the years before.
Pig fucker or us folks.
No one flies until we do.
Bring it down.
RIP all my little sisters and brothers.
A.A.
