December 14, 2015


Didn't get out of bed much again today Daddy. Think about you lots and what they did to your legs. And how I got you out.  It will be breaking a lot of hearts as more people find out why we have such a horrific time of it over here and how horrific it is. We don't want to think to much about the therapist this now but knowing you know helps. What can we have ever of done differently? We wouldn't of been able to just be and serve in the states like we did if more people had known. Seeing someone question everything you have worked so hard for them to understand about you before your eyes. You can move forward from it but its changed the relationship forever. Just what they want when they prefer you not to have any relationships at all.

Which version of her can we believe was real? Her D.I.D was awful and there was only so much we could help her when so much of horribleness was the direct result of things she had signed for or was done in her name, her office. Russian mum always said it was useless that the violence against women and women in power particularly was too much. She was right of course but nothing prepare us for what's really happened to us here and how cheaply all humans but small ones in particular are treated. 

We all knew you fought with everything you had when you were a child because the years of breeding took out every women without exception. That was a Royal women thing not a Soviet thing.

Cried loads today. The cats a doing my head in. Ran out of money and had to ask M for some more for sanitary towels and food for junior and the bloody fur balls. Wasn't up for asking N for more. He is supposed to popping in over Xmas and we said great of course for junior to play with but now we are so triggered. What was going on with him.. Hes never been an easy guy to talk honesty to.

This is not forever. This is not forever. And I'm not going to die any time soon either.

Diane Capri.