December 13, 2015

None of this is real.. Right?

Mummy I just realised you hardly got out of bed at all today.

Hope he forgives us for all the times we hardly get out of bed. We never had a problem with it. As long as there were hugs. Sometimes we would get too scared and forget everything and wouldn't be able to go in and ask for one she helped us work out steps to get up the courage to go in. But what if we are wrong about everything. But your not.

Things were never simple though. We were never alone. His accent and vocabulary have become that of his favorite you tuber. Who is a well mannered young man but it hasn't helped how hard we take his know it all ness. We are scared of him and what this life if continues as it has been will turn him into. We know its down to us. We need to make him see us but we feel we have so little left for him and no where safe for him to go.

Sunday nights. Been our cutting or want to cut night for months now. Skene early nineties some of the worst of it all. The posh boys didn't get so hands on so much anymore they sent the Dream Team and others instead. They did what they wanted then put us back under. Always tied. Always heavy. Starvation and pregnancies.

How do you not abandon all hope of home during all that.

We could smell them and remember their hugs for a while. Mum and Dad. After a while we lost who they were but got flashes if their smiles and warmth. But we lost that to. They had mapped us to well. Pretending didn't work. There was no time after to fix our head after and remember who we were.

Florida Dad? You lucky bastard. But we know it means little with things as they are. Even if they are better in that they are quieter with less attacks. You were always so wary of pushing us. It was and is exactly what we need.

We will do our best over Christmas and try not to cry too much. Its still a couple of weeks away and a lot could happen in that time.. If it doesn't us and the dude will cozy, feed and have each other and the a Wii U from N.. Probably shouldn't complain but we bloody will.

Love you Dad.
I love you Mum.

Alexis.

Xx