"That's the life."
Indeed.
Taste of what the summer months will be like today. So many smiles and comments from passing locals and holiday makers. Love it. Seriously. Doesn't feel quite so much like drinking alone when you can't to end of a paragraph in the book your reading without friendly people saying friendly things. Cant wait til our flowers are all out and start getting comments about that to.
Used last years factor twenty but still got a bit pink around a shoulder strap. Not too bad though, our face can't really burn in northern Europe in April but we used the lotion anyway and as always feel a little more in our skin when our skin is exposed to sunlight.
It wasn't the wine. Wasn't the stroppy pubescent or the crazy sore knees but they helped. It was the end to the break we have had in vivid dreaming and horrible hangovers from them that made us decide we were not ready to keep going through the nicotine cravings. We dont feel too disappointed in ourself. Jeez it doesn't taste nice without the cannabis and we know its the cannabis we really need. Not planning on just giving up on stopping and just going back to smoking fags because that's what we do even though we don't like them because by it's self nicotine doesn't actually touch the very strong sense that we need to smoke because it will make us feel so much better, so much more ourself.
But we can't access any at the moment and the nicotine alone doesn't help. Like we wrote it's a reminder, a symbol of dirty, health killing, money burning replacement for stolen loves and lives we are prohibited from living. It keeps us feeling like our name is Louise, youngest daughter of Bill and Margo who may of been a bit non functioning but were a real family and there may of been some neglect and abuse but it wasn't all a front and part of serious crime and human trafficking trade that was both ancient and modern. The fags make our memories of a real mum, of all that real war and genocide feel further away less real. That is why we have given in and become regular fag smoker because we could not handle all that when it was ongoing and we were so alone.
When there is cannabis again we will be in a better place to not overuse both physically because of where we live now but also because we won't be in the habit of regularly lighting up if we can get off the roll ups. Its not like we were ever interested in or enjoyed smoking fags if cannabis was available. We would much rather wait and if we didn't or couldnt we would be struck by how disgusting it tastes.
"Relapse is part of recovery."
Taste of what the summer months will be like today. So many smiles and comments from passing locals and holiday makers. Love it. Seriously. Doesn't feel quite so much like drinking alone when you can't to end of a paragraph in the book your reading without friendly people saying friendly things. Cant wait til our flowers are all out and start getting comments about that to.
Used last years factor twenty but still got a bit pink around a shoulder strap. Not too bad though, our face can't really burn in northern Europe in April but we used the lotion anyway and as always feel a little more in our skin when our skin is exposed to sunlight.
It wasn't the wine. Wasn't the stroppy pubescent or the crazy sore knees but they helped. It was the end to the break we have had in vivid dreaming and horrible hangovers from them that made us decide we were not ready to keep going through the nicotine cravings. We dont feel too disappointed in ourself. Jeez it doesn't taste nice without the cannabis and we know its the cannabis we really need. Not planning on just giving up on stopping and just going back to smoking fags because that's what we do even though we don't like them because by it's self nicotine doesn't actually touch the very strong sense that we need to smoke because it will make us feel so much better, so much more ourself.
But we can't access any at the moment and the nicotine alone doesn't help. Like we wrote it's a reminder, a symbol of dirty, health killing, money burning replacement for stolen loves and lives we are prohibited from living. It keeps us feeling like our name is Louise, youngest daughter of Bill and Margo who may of been a bit non functioning but were a real family and there may of been some neglect and abuse but it wasn't all a front and part of serious crime and human trafficking trade that was both ancient and modern. The fags make our memories of a real mum, of all that real war and genocide feel further away less real. That is why we have given in and become regular fag smoker because we could not handle all that when it was ongoing and we were so alone.
When there is cannabis again we will be in a better place to not overuse both physically because of where we live now but also because we won't be in the habit of regularly lighting up if we can get off the roll ups. Its not like we were ever interested in or enjoyed smoking fags if cannabis was available. We would much rather wait and if we didn't or couldnt we would be struck by how disgusting it tastes.
"Relapse is part of recovery."
