*heavy sighs and tears and internal fury*

Missed a couple of pill days over the weekend so pain has been nasty, knees bad too but our hands have been okish! Mood isn't. Democrats trying to "negotiate" with Barr.. Trump appointees and supporters don't give a fuck about America or the law, or standards procedures unless they further their fascist interests. That's why they are appointees. Have always found the tolerance moderates have for the disgusting partisan manipulate and obscure techniques of others just awful. It's impossible to have hope and faith in people once you see them giving bigoted slaughtering anti human thugs the benefit of the doubt when there is no fucking doubt.

The massive reduction in income and increase in outgoings caused by Universal Credit is really gotten us down to. Its the spring holidays next week and we have nothing. Not enough food never mind cash for anything else. There is no way we can give the council tax what they say we need to give the when we are losing 90 a month, mostly for the advance. To do that to people who are being moved from the previous system to the new one is particulary awful. Haven't heard if they have even received our request for mandatory reconsideration yet. And the lad, he just keeps needing stuff, the formal uniform expectations is not helping.

Not that we can regret the move of course anymore the we could moving to Dundee any away from seeing Bill every fucking day, of regularly seeing Lynne, etc no matter how much violence and abuse, hunger or how close both we and Pablo were to death in Dundee. At least the abuse wasn't coming from people who lived under the same roof as me and pabs or from people allowed to come and go as they please and do whatever they could to me and pabs.

Putting distance between yourself and horror that exists domestically, across communities and institutions is not cheap nor is it easy or even possible to find people to support you in moving on or we would of done it long before and would not been forced, dragged, rolled on a stretcher while unconscious back.

Got a little relief last week. Prayed on some drunken holiday makers and got a spliff worse in return. Instantly started remembering non horror, can't get in touch with those feelings now though. Particulary as we got a call from school, thankfully not saying the some little shits had told some nasty little shit that Pablo had been saying something about the mother of the nasty one when of course he hadn't but resulted in what the school described as Pablo being hit in the stomach and what Pablo described as being "beat up" like the last time they called. This time is was to say that some kids had been saying that my tall stocky pubescent spectrum eleven year old kid that ran to school so he wouldn't be late was smelly..

We will make more effort in getting him to use deodorant and wash his armpits on the day between showers and I'm sure that he will face any kind of harassment ever again...

Missed his appointment for the ASD again. This time because of sleeping in but also because a taxi driver dropped us off at the wrong place in the freezing rain. We had taxi back after a woman from a nursery took us in out the rain. So last tenner went on taxis that achieved nothing. Get a whole twenty next Tuesday though! And the UC at the end of the week. I think too scared to check dates incase its the start of the week after that. Still haven't phoned about the forms so we can get help with dentist and can't see shop shelves properly eyes, don't think we have reciptes for all the supports we have bought but might get help with getting some that help or new ones for our hands. If we could just settle our mood enough to call, negotiate whatever automated system they are probs using and handle the being kept on hold and the actual speaking...

We remember us fighting and it cheers us up but doesn't take away the longing for hugs and words from real family.

Popular posts from this blog

Watered and fed the Roses

How do you know Savile to?