Was glad of the fog but glad it lifted to.
That hand to mouth existence we mentioned. It keeps you in the present, keeps you focused on the next craving and keeps your head far away from the bigger picture. Its scaring us the thought of having to some how face all our own the incalculable loss. Parts of us, parts of other people, the life and existence of other people.. So much was taken, deliberately, calculated and planned in great detail in order to maximise the damage, never accidents always crimes involving many privileged peoples against an isolated child or children, or the vulnerable "adults" we became. How do you deal with the death of a loved one without naming them, remembering specifics about their life and death?
You can't..
Back in Glenrothes we were heading back to the house one night. We hadn't been out long of course when a group of them saw us walking painfully said something about is being "got at".
We sighed an hobbled on and explained no one had touched us we were limping and wincing because we were riddled with arthritis because we had been force to fight our whole life. As we got closer to them I think we admitted that yes there had in the past been bad injuries when we had be gotten at in but that wasn't tonight and when weren't in so much pain that we couldn't take the lot of them out if they didn't get the fuck out of our way.
We looked briefly at some of the faces as we walked through them. Not immediate neighbours, cousins, cousins' kids? Was she from Aberdeen? Junior Andersons were bound to be there, Was that one a Dundoian.. or usualy in Glasgow? Is that one of those little pricks from some new band we only know about from being trafficked, worked and tortured.
Whatever. They weren't standing in our way and were not going to try anything when we had our back to them that's all that mattered. We got in and locked the door and leaned against the wall. Feeling so fucking sick but we didn't puke and after a few minutes we were strong and stable enough to check on Pablo.
Did some gardening today, put the manual mover together and pushed it around on our patchy uneven lumpy bit of grass as best we could. Dug up one of the monster shrub's offspring, and tidied up the stones that some one put down has a border.
Annoying we can't buy a thing, we managed to put it off but think the showing face at the food bank is still necessary.
You can't..
Back in Glenrothes we were heading back to the house one night. We hadn't been out long of course when a group of them saw us walking painfully said something about is being "got at".
We sighed an hobbled on and explained no one had touched us we were limping and wincing because we were riddled with arthritis because we had been force to fight our whole life. As we got closer to them I think we admitted that yes there had in the past been bad injuries when we had be gotten at in but that wasn't tonight and when weren't in so much pain that we couldn't take the lot of them out if they didn't get the fuck out of our way.
We looked briefly at some of the faces as we walked through them. Not immediate neighbours, cousins, cousins' kids? Was she from Aberdeen? Junior Andersons were bound to be there, Was that one a Dundoian.. or usualy in Glasgow? Is that one of those little pricks from some new band we only know about from being trafficked, worked and tortured.
Whatever. They weren't standing in our way and were not going to try anything when we had our back to them that's all that mattered. We got in and locked the door and leaned against the wall. Feeling so fucking sick but we didn't puke and after a few minutes we were strong and stable enough to check on Pablo.
Did some gardening today, put the manual mover together and pushed it around on our patchy uneven lumpy bit of grass as best we could. Dug up one of the monster shrub's offspring, and tidied up the stones that some one put down has a border.
Annoying we can't buy a thing, we managed to put it off but think the showing face at the food bank is still necessary.
