January 18, 2016

As always. Xx

We get him mixed up with our best pal and in American not Canadian forces. Theres a definite association with big boats, carriers with at least one. We don't think they are both dead. We cant be certain so we have to not torture ourselves with it... Brother?

The book is Edge of the World: how the North Sea made us by Michael Pye we are into the sixth chapter now about the development of formal written law. Its still engaging us and we haven't read any kind of books in a long while browsing kindle libraries did us some damage by being punctuated with abuse porn sometimes sandwiched between survivor literature. There's has been triggers of course but that is why we wouldn't of been able to read it before. We felt the description of a Viking funeral wasn't necessary but we are familiar with how slave traders treat people so maybe it was fair enough. Much like how we prefer novels without any descriptive shagging if they must do it all we prefer historical overviews that don't go into detail 'rape and murder was involved' followed by some endnotes will do fine but something like ' extremely brutal' would be preferable. I don't need to know about gore we already know.

It didn't stop us from reading we couldn't help thinking about David Mitchell on some show saying the same thing about novels and sex and how lovely he is. We love approaches to history that can paint pictures of timescales and events and peoples that seem incomprehensible and we know the dangers of studying and writing history but we are enjoying it without our radical voices shouting down the writer before the rest of us have any idea what we read. They are usually right of course. If we are not in a place to deconstruct, to identify the what is pissing us off so much, what it is that the historian is overlooking and what privilege or bias causes it then cant go near it. We end up feeling acutely unemancipated and exposed. If we don't have an identify, a home of our own then we can't criticize or someone else's never mind reduce it to rubble with our formidable intellect, depthless historical knowledge and hypersensitivity to unexamined bias.

We know that when we find ourselves doing something like reading or colouring that we have felt too anxious and distracted to settle down to usually we will over do it and resent having to do anything else but we are mindful of that. It wasn't because we stayed up late reading that we bailed on the school run. We just couldn't do it to ourselves. We don't want to go up against all the trauma release. We will though. Today was the day they call the mkst depressing day of the year and once again he wasnt there. There is lots of good things about the school but we will have to step up if he keeps being bullied. Evil little monsters. We wish he never had to go near any school. He's not a playground scrapper he's too smart.

We are not out of the abyss but we are starting to feel like it might be possible. The wee one though Dad. How can that be "processed" into feelings that are bearable.. We need him. But we need and have always needed them all.

I'm sorry. Love you and as always hope to see you soon.

Lex
Xx

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