January 11, 2016

RIP Margo

We have moved out of the place we have been in where we barely saw Margo as human. We were in no place to shoulder it when she told us she didn't have all that long and she wanted to spend as much of that time with the bairns as possible. That's why she didn't want the kids going up the road or even with me and no she hasn't told anyone else how bad it was. Whenever she tried people wouldn't get how serious it was. Lynne said she was making it up or exaggerating because she is a hateful murderous cow who will never hate any man no matter what he does like she can hate a woman.

Especially her mother after she saw there actually was times when Margo would defend us and others from her.  I think we said we would probably of been more use to her if she hadn't told us. We had a couple of real conversations before we went back to the dance of either one or both of us not being there. She apologized later when we said did she realise how it hard it was going to be for us and our attachment to the kids, we wouldn't be able to look after the three of them without her and without support from rest of family. She snapped when we raised it then said she realised we had a point after.

Conversations get mixed up but I think it was after a trip to Aberdeen that must of been particularly horrible. When she had tried to get Lynne to take the kids down more often and had tried to tell her again how bad her heart was and Lynne had said something fucking horrific that her mum wouldn't repeat. When she had been shocked at how much the oldest was emulating her mum and how much she hated it that she asked us to reassure her that we would not be trying to be sisters after her death. Of all gifts for an after I'm dead wish. We said she had no need worry about that nor need she worry about us lifting a finger to help with the house. Gallows humour is her comfort zone and we had not been ready to join her there on this particular issue until that point.

Her brother and Lynne have always been so close.  Both me and Laura had been on the end of a bunch of hurt and rudeness the times he talked to us thinking we were her over many years. His face lights up when her name is mentioned its vomit inducing. He's a horror story to. Obvs.

We got Pabs to carry up a bag of food and had the chilli that was in the freezer tonight. We have always hated her chilli she doesn't do spicy so its out a packet and minging but we went out to shop again to buy wine as she wouldn't eat red meat without it and ate what we could.