As comforting as a trafficker signing anti trafficking legislation
Phone conversation with GP today. Our notes arnt there yet unsurprisingly but he says he will chase them up and will probably refer us to mental health team without them if they take much longer. Tested his response to cannabis, was he going to treat us like an individual or was he pharmaceutical rep? Pharma rep unfortunately. My god how many times have we heard it, how many other people who have found it beneficial in terms of supporting genuine life quality "short term relief but studies show long term depression and paranoia" ...
Because as everyone knows there is no long term harm from painkillers be they anti inflammatory or narcotic or anti anxieties or sleeping pills or anti psychotics or antidepressants.. Off the top of our head doctors who have repeated the same lines about the dangers of cannabis without any interest in our specific and individual experiences have given us antidepressants in our teens that made us more suicidal and motivated to do something about it, antipsychotics that caused our heart to beat so fast the blood vessels in our eyes busted twice, once in our teens and then again in hospital, anti psychotics that made our weight balloon but did nothing else, antipsychotics that made us more depressed and made it harder for us to know the difference between reality and bullshit people told us, tramadol that we over used then took ourself of with the usual withdrawal symptoms of vomiting, sweating, achey limbs and exhaustion, sleeping pills that has the same effect as severe dissociation meaning we couldn't tell the difference between something we dreamed and real events, sleeping pills that cause serious heartburn, gabapetin with instructions to increase the dose at home, some of the accidental and intentional awful withdrawals for that are documented in this blog as well as the falls and the knowing that the short term benefits would not last long as we would and did start resenting its psychoactive effects quite quickly. Various anti depressants that did nothing or didnt work fast enough so we were too depressed to take them. Diazepam that we are thinking we are not gonna bother ordering again because we get so little benefit from it and it can make nightmares worse and be really triggering and of course the cocodomal with the constipation that aggregates the pain that is our reason for taking it in the first place and is well known to be habit forming and as physically addictive.
But cannabis is not something that can not be medically endorsed because that's the industry line. The same industry that as we read recently would rather electrocute people and teens in the head than give them talking therapists. We can see how that works, electricity is much cheaper than time and words and empathy. And is considered safe and effective by many processionals if not so much by the patients/victims. But the long term dangers of cannabis are so bad it shouldn't be used at all?!?
Some have shown some interested when we have said (and we are sticking to script because we can't see how else we can talk to docs that have be trained to believe that persistent delusional disorder is more likely than systematic abuse) we were given the anxiety and depression diagnosis before we started using and nothing, not antianxiety, not drink, not opiods stops suicidal feelings like it. Some have seemed interested and even seemed to change their position when we described how motivated, creative cannabis can have us and how it is the only thing that helps when we can't eat. It brings down our blood pressure and when we run out we may be miserable and very depressed but that beats depression and physical withdrawal and chronic pain and intrusive horrific memories at the same fucking time.
It makes us feel like a human being on a planet with lots of other not perfect damaged but hopeful human beings instead of a slave who exists outside justice and all other social systems with no chance of normal opportunities like friends, family, jobs, careers and who is only ever visible to our abusers.
Because as everyone knows there is no long term harm from painkillers be they anti inflammatory or narcotic or anti anxieties or sleeping pills or anti psychotics or antidepressants.. Off the top of our head doctors who have repeated the same lines about the dangers of cannabis without any interest in our specific and individual experiences have given us antidepressants in our teens that made us more suicidal and motivated to do something about it, antipsychotics that caused our heart to beat so fast the blood vessels in our eyes busted twice, once in our teens and then again in hospital, anti psychotics that made our weight balloon but did nothing else, antipsychotics that made us more depressed and made it harder for us to know the difference between reality and bullshit people told us, tramadol that we over used then took ourself of with the usual withdrawal symptoms of vomiting, sweating, achey limbs and exhaustion, sleeping pills that has the same effect as severe dissociation meaning we couldn't tell the difference between something we dreamed and real events, sleeping pills that cause serious heartburn, gabapetin with instructions to increase the dose at home, some of the accidental and intentional awful withdrawals for that are documented in this blog as well as the falls and the knowing that the short term benefits would not last long as we would and did start resenting its psychoactive effects quite quickly. Various anti depressants that did nothing or didnt work fast enough so we were too depressed to take them. Diazepam that we are thinking we are not gonna bother ordering again because we get so little benefit from it and it can make nightmares worse and be really triggering and of course the cocodomal with the constipation that aggregates the pain that is our reason for taking it in the first place and is well known to be habit forming and as physically addictive.
But cannabis is not something that can not be medically endorsed because that's the industry line. The same industry that as we read recently would rather electrocute people and teens in the head than give them talking therapists. We can see how that works, electricity is much cheaper than time and words and empathy. And is considered safe and effective by many processionals if not so much by the patients/victims. But the long term dangers of cannabis are so bad it shouldn't be used at all?!?
Some have shown some interested when we have said (and we are sticking to script because we can't see how else we can talk to docs that have be trained to believe that persistent delusional disorder is more likely than systematic abuse) we were given the anxiety and depression diagnosis before we started using and nothing, not antianxiety, not drink, not opiods stops suicidal feelings like it. Some have seemed interested and even seemed to change their position when we described how motivated, creative cannabis can have us and how it is the only thing that helps when we can't eat. It brings down our blood pressure and when we run out we may be miserable and very depressed but that beats depression and physical withdrawal and chronic pain and intrusive horrific memories at the same fucking time.
It makes us feel like a human being on a planet with lots of other not perfect damaged but hopeful human beings instead of a slave who exists outside justice and all other social systems with no chance of normal opportunities like friends, family, jobs, careers and who is only ever visible to our abusers.
