Tomorrow... Maybe. Or the day after..
Sleep patterns, other usual issues and general Januaryism means that for three days in a row we have said we are going out tomorrow and it hasn't happened. Not feeling too bad about it though we did find somewhere and flit at the end of the year. That involved lots of feeling physically, mentally and absolutely emotionally unable to do stuff but having to do it anyway and that takes a while to get over.
Trying not to reject or be utterly overwhelmed by the bits and pieces of past that are now free to bubble up. Acknowledge and let them float back down whenever possible. The important stuff, important people to us and their deaths are not gonna be like that and we are scared of what our mind is going to dig up and refuse to hide anymore and how the hell we are gonna cope with that without anyone or anything to help.
We are able to acknowledge a sense of feeling safer, securer even. Watching news from the states is helping that. Seeing the diversity voted for and sworn into the House. The connection between the Dumpster and the far right Russian authorities is very obvious and public and we might still be very alone we don't feel it like we did when the networks where extremely active doing everything the could to break us, silence and kill us off and coming very close to doing so. They did a good job breaking any hope we had for being helped but didn't realise they wouldn't kill us as much as brings has back to who we were and what we understood and how we were educated in the beginning.
We don't long for the UK to be exposed like we used to. Brexit exposing it as an ignorant, arrogant, delusional spoilt brat and has been at the same time has helped in that. Also just good ole fashioned giving up coz its a hopeless case. Did enjoy the line in Happy about men who sexually abuse children being put on the TV nowadays. A few times the show was pretty spot on from our perspective. Loved the old soothsayer Italian granny to, especially the stuff about the ball of wool/talisman and the unraveling. Pretty neat.
Parts are waking up and screaming for hugs again, which has the rest of us just needing weed even more and being disgusted that for all we did and the times we explained stuff and worked with people not one has or will help us out. We are so disgusted by the way the NHS has treated us and others in particular, shouting in our dreams about how harmful the gabapentin was. It has contributed to the state of our hands to because a common side effect is being unsteady on your feat and we lived in a three story house so falls were as inevitable as putting your hands out to break or stop the fall.
Then of course there is the fact that because we have persistently talked about trafficking and rape it has been officially recorded as proof of the persistent nature of our delusional disorder.. Not everyone has talked to us like that though, just all the people in a position to diagnose our mental health.
Chinese New Year inspired update for our current favourite hidden object game though. Its quite beautiful, loving the music to. Think dude has forgotten about Snicket and we are not reminding him, we find the toddler captivity and enslavement gets to us quite badly for quite a while after watching. Maybe its time to try EMDR again, we got some new headphones that actually fit our little lugs. Still though all the solo sempre seriously limits what we can do for ourself. Your all bastards.
Trying not to reject or be utterly overwhelmed by the bits and pieces of past that are now free to bubble up. Acknowledge and let them float back down whenever possible. The important stuff, important people to us and their deaths are not gonna be like that and we are scared of what our mind is going to dig up and refuse to hide anymore and how the hell we are gonna cope with that without anyone or anything to help.
We are able to acknowledge a sense of feeling safer, securer even. Watching news from the states is helping that. Seeing the diversity voted for and sworn into the House. The connection between the Dumpster and the far right Russian authorities is very obvious and public and we might still be very alone we don't feel it like we did when the networks where extremely active doing everything the could to break us, silence and kill us off and coming very close to doing so. They did a good job breaking any hope we had for being helped but didn't realise they wouldn't kill us as much as brings has back to who we were and what we understood and how we were educated in the beginning.
We don't long for the UK to be exposed like we used to. Brexit exposing it as an ignorant, arrogant, delusional spoilt brat and has been at the same time has helped in that. Also just good ole fashioned giving up coz its a hopeless case. Did enjoy the line in Happy about men who sexually abuse children being put on the TV nowadays. A few times the show was pretty spot on from our perspective. Loved the old soothsayer Italian granny to, especially the stuff about the ball of wool/talisman and the unraveling. Pretty neat.
Parts are waking up and screaming for hugs again, which has the rest of us just needing weed even more and being disgusted that for all we did and the times we explained stuff and worked with people not one has or will help us out. We are so disgusted by the way the NHS has treated us and others in particular, shouting in our dreams about how harmful the gabapentin was. It has contributed to the state of our hands to because a common side effect is being unsteady on your feat and we lived in a three story house so falls were as inevitable as putting your hands out to break or stop the fall.
Then of course there is the fact that because we have persistently talked about trafficking and rape it has been officially recorded as proof of the persistent nature of our delusional disorder.. Not everyone has talked to us like that though, just all the people in a position to diagnose our mental health.
Chinese New Year inspired update for our current favourite hidden object game though. Its quite beautiful, loving the music to. Think dude has forgotten about Snicket and we are not reminding him, we find the toddler captivity and enslavement gets to us quite badly for quite a while after watching. Maybe its time to try EMDR again, we got some new headphones that actually fit our little lugs. Still though all the solo sempre seriously limits what we can do for ourself. Your all bastards.
