Not so random.
Junior was very upset when he came home from school. Couldn't speak upset. Just hugged us and cried. We thought it might of bullies, or something to do with one of his teachers or something happened on the way home. Eventually he got it out, they are doing The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas in English. "The camps.." We wept with him a little but couldn't speak much said something about it being a beautiful but horrible world. "If you had been alive then.." He talked about it being upsetting for anyone but worse for him because of me.
For a second we regretted buying and wearing our star with a heart and telling him what kind of a star it is. Its not our shame though and not our fault we have the star and no one to help Pablo when this comes up. Just me dissociated, semi mute and already more emotional than I can cope with. He said he had a chat with his form teacher about feelings after. We were glad of that and glad this happened here and not in Fife, partly why we are here and not there.
We have a few times talked a little about very bad things to him but never in any detail and sometimes when we were quite ill and switching and most of really confused him. We have told him his "Grandad" and others he believed were family have hurt me and that's very difficult for him to process, he doesn't remember anything really bad happening. We told him when he asked about the star that it was a Jewish symbol and we believed part of the reason we were hurt is because we were considered Jewish because our real mother was, who wasn't gran Margo.. Although she was maybe from Jewish bloodlines to.. Poor kid.. I guess showing him and being honest about the confusion and uncertainty is better for him that letting him think the past is clear and okay.
Its not the same as getting told about world war two and the industrial scale murder at school in a factual publicly documented way. What can we say to him when we can't make our self feel better? We can't lie and say its OK now when we have already told him it isn't or tell him there is much less slaughter now because most of the smart ones have already been killed. Except us.
His brain will be making connections and maybe parts of himself will be coming out of the shadows I just hope the traumas they bring with them dont overwhelm him. Wish there was more of Us out to help him and me.
For a second we regretted buying and wearing our star with a heart and telling him what kind of a star it is. Its not our shame though and not our fault we have the star and no one to help Pablo when this comes up. Just me dissociated, semi mute and already more emotional than I can cope with. He said he had a chat with his form teacher about feelings after. We were glad of that and glad this happened here and not in Fife, partly why we are here and not there.
We have a few times talked a little about very bad things to him but never in any detail and sometimes when we were quite ill and switching and most of really confused him. We have told him his "Grandad" and others he believed were family have hurt me and that's very difficult for him to process, he doesn't remember anything really bad happening. We told him when he asked about the star that it was a Jewish symbol and we believed part of the reason we were hurt is because we were considered Jewish because our real mother was, who wasn't gran Margo.. Although she was maybe from Jewish bloodlines to.. Poor kid.. I guess showing him and being honest about the confusion and uncertainty is better for him that letting him think the past is clear and okay.
Its not the same as getting told about world war two and the industrial scale murder at school in a factual publicly documented way. What can we say to him when we can't make our self feel better? We can't lie and say its OK now when we have already told him it isn't or tell him there is much less slaughter now because most of the smart ones have already been killed. Except us.
His brain will be making connections and maybe parts of himself will be coming out of the shadows I just hope the traumas they bring with them dont overwhelm him. Wish there was more of Us out to help him and me.
