June 29, 2010

PNF (pre novel fever)

I dont like this whole creative developed intertwined with physical illness shit. But my shrink loved it and he was right about a lot of things. My mom shrink didn't, she would of seen it as representing constant struggle, psychological, spiritual, intellectual, physical struggle that has a heavy price, phenomenal wear and tear.

The historical can wait, the only history I want to fictionalise is my own. I will enjoy so much of it but it will take on a momentum and I don't always know when to stop. For so long I didn't think I could be involved with anything for very long, I had to get everything I could out of anything. I never had time to learn how to take my time, its the same with Virtual.

Viva Espania! Presto! Not so scared now, I almost have a bikini body, not a skinny one like fuck that, or rather eh why would you a bag of spanners would be a better bed mate. Can't afford the bikini but that is not the fucking point. Stomach muscles seem to come and go really quick. I am glad, when I see women with waists like hot air balloons, its so much harder to move around when your carrying too much of anything.

I've been hoping to snog a Spanish waiter (and have sex), is that bad?? I feel 15, I'm 30ish. Viva..