September 15, 2010


The extracts from my medical records arrived today. Nothing in them that will be much use, lots of letters about missed appointments and nothing from my shrink before H. A letter from the police saying they had nothing, but it looks like they might have searched using my new name. I'm going to pay the tenners and see what if anything is on file. Data Protection Act, which has probably meant anything I need know has been destroyed.
My god
their is fuck all rational about bureaucracy.
Lots of appointments though.
At least I have sorted out an opportunity to talk about some of my dead babies, and a name.

Couldn't face going out this afternoon. Felt so guilty about it, its September and sunny and I let the boy watch TV all afternoon. A couple of blast of 'Sunshine on Leith' and a mini mediate and I moved away from focusing on the hopelessness of attempting to get information from secret societies that are rich and armed when your skint and scared and thought about what has been achieved. Thank you proclaimers I have been listening to that track a lot recently and it's helping to get me through.

I am not in chains
but I have been.

Footie training tomorrow and a mates house with Guinness in the fridge with my name on it.

I let junior see me cry.
He pinched my nose with his plastic pliers
and gave me a hug.