September 04, 2010

Split.

Felt pretty good when I woke this morning. After the mail yesterday I wasn't expecting to, I used to be pretty cynical about antidepressants like all they do is chip the corners of everyone thats aching and breaking from being a square peg hammered into a round hole. Chemical lube.

But the past months I have sorted out a lot of things for me and wee man. The depression lifted I could move about easier, I could let the sunshine work with much less come down.

As usual I wake early, briefly of course. I know from experience that leaping out of bed at first rousing is a mistake. By 9 I will be crumbling by ten folded. But good thinking happens if I've made sure Im comfy enough. But the bad dreams will continue if thats what the night has been about.

All the notural stuff had been very positive recently, empowerment, managment until the other night. Snow, water, resort, repeatedly lost son, I kept expecting or needing my mother to keep and eye on him she was indifferent or preoccupied. The next day I got that same terror whenever hw was briefly out of site when we were out. Walking down the road he pointed to the road and said 'no snow'.

I wonder about his dreams, when I ask he just looks at me, no idea what I'm pratteling on about. He will have his own laws. I taught him in pregnancy, or tried. He showed me how tactile he his, and his love of jigsaws. I showed him zelda and how strong everyone's centre is.

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