May 09, 2015

Election Migraine

Felt so badly for the English left for so long. Amazing inspiring social history but that's not the heritage that's promoted.  Now we have turn outs in the 60%s and 'Labour has become too leftwing' being repeated in working class accents like children saying lines in a school play.  Its not a new though.  The betrayal by Labour interns of tolerating and courting corruption, abandoning its ideals and history makes it a nonparty for us. It should split. At least the Tories tell you they are going to screw you first. We smell the kind or worst that happens before things start dramatically changing but we would wouldn't we were up in the yellow bit, with higher turnouts where socialism isn't a dirty word.

Migraine that's we've been successfully dodging eventually caught up with us.  Possibly helped by the misery of the exit polls, the excitement of the SNP swing. And the bottle of wine. And the non impressive 'pollen'.  Headache was awful but had worst the vomiting though. Eesh. Lost all the red wine and then some yellow bile.. Elections always trigger that searching for signs in colours and random daily events part and her highly programmed assistant. Less healed, earlier parts always around more when there is big physical distress of course.

We are feeling what can definitely be described as not cynicism.  No one expects the Tories to fight for the people they have always punted that good business trickle down BS. But the whole New Labour/Savile thing was almost too much for us in lots of ways.  There was more and worse being pimped out than during the 80s.  Maybe just worse because we were older and not prepubescent anymore the dissociation works differently and they used different methods. Maybe just worse because its fresher and less exposed publicly. Scoffed pretty loudly at a 'no choice of real CSA Inquiry with the Tories' tweet. Any hint of people politicising it makes us suspicious. Such and anti victim anti survivor  anti truth thing to do.

Jeez what a mess we are in. Soo weak, wobling about on our legs.

We once told Therapist that post migraine is like post earthquake internally. Dust has cleared, nothing is recognisable, just rubble. Everyone wondering about in shock or switching between states of shock and early painful awareness. Whats the big change? Therapist would say if we told her about the migraine and the rubble.. More parts and the start of identifying parts rather just reverting to Shrugger and We dont do names. Starting typing that it was a relief but it is actually more scary. We are heading to a place we have not been before. We have always known exactly what was going to happen. Its not like when a part with a lot of understanding and ability to communicate with other parts comes forward for a while. This is permanent stripping back of the stuff we had to think, do and feel because we were completely abandoned to networks of well connected wealthy abusers of the worst kind year after year.

Its where we want to go but its also deeply scary.