limbo
Hi Daddy,
We are doing lots to try and not feel too sad but its not working so much right now. We are trying to keep our self out the past but not pretend that things that will effect us forever didn't happen either. Beyond the horror everything has just been so ridiculous and it was made impossible for us to have any regular contact with anyone who worked with and cares about he truth a long time ago. Its been and still is really fucking lonely and so hard to rally ourself and keep ourself strong and safe and positive.
We are glad we never gave in though and some of the extreme emergency protections put in place were never used. Dude is pretty wonderful apart from the knowitallism, currently drinking a cup of tea that we did not make ourself. We are tired to though, couldn't sleep because we were all zingy with it being June. Then when we did the dreams were fucking awful we kept waking up but fell back into them as soon as we went back to sleep and couldn't stay awake.
Done a fair bit to. Fed all the fucking flowers. Gonna try do it every weekend and not be quite as lax as we got last year about it. Broke out the in bloom that's be under the sink for years to and I think we managed to not give anything it and the miracle grow at the same time. Did all the dishes, hoovered my bedroom and washed my blanket so its all soft and less infested now. The organic farmer approved bug killer arrived so we soaked Owly and wish her luck. Sprayed the rose to as it is all its bloody fault anyway. Did a little tidying of the area that will be the fairy garden. Would rather not. Would rather be making a fairy garden on trees that are not here. And of course moved pots around and looked for nasties. All the activity gives us an appitite so we been eating well much easier when we haven't annihilated the income and can get fresh strawberries, potatoes, salad and wine. We deserve it.
Its not like this time can actually break us but it has its own tortures. I know you would talk to me and be here with me if you could. It really hurts. Even when things are good. The anger keeps us as focused or as dissociated as we need to be though, it has kept us alive and kicking and we know we can trust it. Of course it would be nice to have something or someone as reliable and dependable but we can only do our best to stay open to that when physical safety and survival are always at risk.
Doing stuff we want to do and seeing the results helps us remember good stuff in the past just as abuse triggers abuse memories. We are still scared of the relief we feel how can we not without real structural changes and exposure of institutions and without anyone to look into the eyes of see how it has changed and hurts them to. Just because things have got less bad for us doesn't mean the situation is anymore tenable but a cage we can guild and the health to do so is preferable to one that can't be.
We are doing lots to try and not feel too sad but its not working so much right now. We are trying to keep our self out the past but not pretend that things that will effect us forever didn't happen either. Beyond the horror everything has just been so ridiculous and it was made impossible for us to have any regular contact with anyone who worked with and cares about he truth a long time ago. Its been and still is really fucking lonely and so hard to rally ourself and keep ourself strong and safe and positive.
We are glad we never gave in though and some of the extreme emergency protections put in place were never used. Dude is pretty wonderful apart from the knowitallism, currently drinking a cup of tea that we did not make ourself. We are tired to though, couldn't sleep because we were all zingy with it being June. Then when we did the dreams were fucking awful we kept waking up but fell back into them as soon as we went back to sleep and couldn't stay awake.
Done a fair bit to. Fed all the fucking flowers. Gonna try do it every weekend and not be quite as lax as we got last year about it. Broke out the in bloom that's be under the sink for years to and I think we managed to not give anything it and the miracle grow at the same time. Did all the dishes, hoovered my bedroom and washed my blanket so its all soft and less infested now. The organic farmer approved bug killer arrived so we soaked Owly and wish her luck. Sprayed the rose to as it is all its bloody fault anyway. Did a little tidying of the area that will be the fairy garden. Would rather not. Would rather be making a fairy garden on trees that are not here. And of course moved pots around and looked for nasties. All the activity gives us an appitite so we been eating well much easier when we haven't annihilated the income and can get fresh strawberries, potatoes, salad and wine. We deserve it.
Its not like this time can actually break us but it has its own tortures. I know you would talk to me and be here with me if you could. It really hurts. Even when things are good. The anger keeps us as focused or as dissociated as we need to be though, it has kept us alive and kicking and we know we can trust it. Of course it would be nice to have something or someone as reliable and dependable but we can only do our best to stay open to that when physical safety and survival are always at risk.
Doing stuff we want to do and seeing the results helps us remember good stuff in the past just as abuse triggers abuse memories. We are still scared of the relief we feel how can we not without real structural changes and exposure of institutions and without anyone to look into the eyes of see how it has changed and hurts them to. Just because things have got less bad for us doesn't mean the situation is anymore tenable but a cage we can guild and the health to do so is preferable to one that can't be.
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| Shabby chic low table made from shit left by workies. |
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| Don't known where this pretty came from. Beautiful. |
