Food and warmth though

The wind last night had us fairly anxious. Knowing there was diazepam waiting for us didn’t help at all. It died down but the anxiety over the wind chapping at our letter box became dread of nightmares. And we were right when we gave in we had lots of vivid dreams the worst one involved Lynne torturing our hands. The Sunday walk didnt happen or the sorting out of the rubbish and recycling but we did make tea. Ate curry while watching the new ghostbusters again his choice. It is damn cool.

Picked up the meds today though. Earlier on was all "I'm good don't need no anti anxiety." But now I'm all lonely and weedless and weepy. Gotta watch it with the vino. A little is great. Too much and it just exaggerates the loneliness and sadness. Tired too though. Think we got all the stocking fillers we need. Went down to bank to. Lost the habit of eating during the day when there was nothing to eat and that isn't gonna help anything. Had a banana and a bag of crisps and that is not nothing. Goonies tonight. He was well into it this time.

Physical memories are getting pretty bad. Fair bit of thinking about the misery that Laura and Margo lived through and the my own misery that they were a part of. Glad of course that we are away from the remaining family. Heartbroken that the networks have left us with no friends, no caring family and only one son. Fabulous as he is he's not the easyist to motivate. Its hard on us both being the only family each other have.

It's not just the wine talking its the pain, the memories, the misery.. Please Saint Nik brings us cannabis. The pharmaceutical reps and state agents of status quo maintenance are not gonna prescribe it to a delusional sex worker drug seeker who suffered no trauma childhood trauma and has never been raped or whatever they have me down as.

Tiles cleaned up not too bad though.

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