Tree's up
Polar Express DVD still works, we watched it last night after doing the tree. He got involved more than he has in previous years. He's maybe got a bit of distance between him and his Xmas triggers. Sick satanic anti people bastards will do all they can to make sure little kids associate the festivities with terror, pain and misery. Cunts.
Not regretting buying the double oven even if it hasn't been wired in yet because we don't have the 20 to give the agencies electricians and have no pissing cash for food anyway. There's an Iceland near and we got a few things so not completely starving. It's a pain though, espically when in pain, always horridly sensitive and have lots to do. Will finish the universal credit application as soon as the ESA is in and try not to spend too much. There isn't much we need expect food and to pay bills etc and we have a cooker we can use and that of course will help a lot. Horrible not knowing what we will get or when or how much bills will be.
Another unknown is where the fuck we are gonna put the Xmas decor after.. Did manage to sort the small outside cupboard enough today so we could get the beloved micro stand and storage out of our bedroom and tidy up a bit. Couldnt get the tree's box in though. Cracked open the Xmas decoration box last night just to kind of stand and stare and admit we may have too much.. Not gonna up and down the ladder and banging nails in today though. Maybe tomorrow.
Dreading and longing for Monday when he goes to school. Gonna have to walk him of course until he knows the way, not looking forward to that but having the flat to ourself - very much looking forward to that. When were up for it we can start on the stocking fillers or just window shop in our own time without trying to keep up with whatever he is talking about in great detail. We are goons freak out lots when we realise he isn't with us and isn't at home and before we remember he's a school and we haven't left him somewhere on him own after forgetting and wandered off because we have DID and are stressed.
Not looking forward to those awful feelings and thoughts when we are not sure if Pablo is even real, alive or our responsibility one little bit.
Flats gonna be wonderful with all the fake foliage garlands and some of the other bits and pieces up. And there is definitely gonna be some food and wine. We don't think our prayers for weed are gonna be answered any time soon though, can feel our blood pressure rising every night before we fall asleep, if we do sleep. And it's so hard to feel better when we wake after horrible busy mean violent dreams. Will keep praying though.
Not regretting buying the double oven even if it hasn't been wired in yet because we don't have the 20 to give the agencies electricians and have no pissing cash for food anyway. There's an Iceland near and we got a few things so not completely starving. It's a pain though, espically when in pain, always horridly sensitive and have lots to do. Will finish the universal credit application as soon as the ESA is in and try not to spend too much. There isn't much we need expect food and to pay bills etc and we have a cooker we can use and that of course will help a lot. Horrible not knowing what we will get or when or how much bills will be.
Another unknown is where the fuck we are gonna put the Xmas decor after.. Did manage to sort the small outside cupboard enough today so we could get the beloved micro stand and storage out of our bedroom and tidy up a bit. Couldnt get the tree's box in though. Cracked open the Xmas decoration box last night just to kind of stand and stare and admit we may have too much.. Not gonna up and down the ladder and banging nails in today though. Maybe tomorrow.
Dreading and longing for Monday when he goes to school. Gonna have to walk him of course until he knows the way, not looking forward to that but having the flat to ourself - very much looking forward to that. When were up for it we can start on the stocking fillers or just window shop in our own time without trying to keep up with whatever he is talking about in great detail. We are goons freak out lots when we realise he isn't with us and isn't at home and before we remember he's a school and we haven't left him somewhere on him own after forgetting and wandered off because we have DID and are stressed.
Not looking forward to those awful feelings and thoughts when we are not sure if Pablo is even real, alive or our responsibility one little bit.
Flats gonna be wonderful with all the fake foliage garlands and some of the other bits and pieces up. And there is definitely gonna be some food and wine. We don't think our prayers for weed are gonna be answered any time soon though, can feel our blood pressure rising every night before we fall asleep, if we do sleep. And it's so hard to feel better when we wake after horrible busy mean violent dreams. Will keep praying though.
