..dear reader..

So much better today. Not saying much about why though. So much voting with action and inaction, with your words and silence, through the values reproduced and those rejected and disrespected, my family know who they are and we will see them soon. Got more brain back, that's a very good sign.  The food supplement food aid arrived yesterday and we tried it last night a bit early considering how much we slept during the day but we got some night time sleep. Real sleep maybe even considering how we felt when we woke very early. We had breakfast, did dishes and gardening all in the a.m. Then had lunch and rested a little but that was tricky because of our extremely annoying and irritable water works, then did some more. Played with the lad for a while to. Sunshine, crisp air outside was so good and better still to be in a condition to enjoy it. Autumn wonderfulness. Tired now though. Love you. 

Gonna have another ciggie. Its only been about an hour since the last one. The one before that was about 9 am but we slept all day so that doesn't exactly involve will power. Getting over the cold, much less fever and coughing, dishes got done yesterday and this morning, decreased the infestation on the cats, other bits and bobs getting done. Crazy good dreams recently to, so vivid and lucid. Aberdeen city centre but long before we were born, standing up for our self and others, waited in a hotel that had functioning toilets for a Dad to call he did, glorious wonderful war words. We were too excited to say anything but "yes". The views from the windows changed to be high up in New York at night. Stunning, other amazing views to. Different in the couple of hours last night and today though.. Just want to cry. Tried to engage Pabs to see if that would help us he's being doing outdoor stuff at school and loves that stuff but when we tried to talk to him more he just r...

Wasn't just the time of year that put us back there last night, it was the ventolin shakes to. Between the fever and the coughing we are glad we are less dissociated from our sisters at least and our work together. We've saved lives and brains all over and its good to be more in touch with that espically as being held and trapped here where there was never any real thinking feeling people left to save. We are maybe a little more hopeful. Having our fourth roll up of the day, didn't wake up until about half two but still we gotta stop just smoking one after and another and not just until our lungs eventually clear either. Waiting a few hours means you actually get some relief and effect from the nicotine instead of a constant yucky useless crutch. We are not attempting any cold turkey that would be stupid just telling ourself a time when we can have another and then seeing if we can wait a little while longer by doing something to distract ourself. The fags don't touc...

Idina was already there. Hiding in between the bails in the field that is on your left if your driving up the hill into Kirkton of Skene, on your right if you are driving toward the village from the primary school or passing through from Westhill. She said our name and we felt a massive emotional response to hearing it even though we didn't think we knew our name. She blinked when we called her Idina and looked almost confused when we called her Idina and ran over to her to sit next to her and hold each other and shake lots. We said sorry for calling her that and said her name was Laura. She shook her head and we said we were sorry and something about her not being Laura and I was not Louise. We almost laughed. I said I thought Idina was my mother's name and both of us started to remember stuff before the screaming, the cracking the sick exaggerated fake laughter and the hooting got really loud again. We cuddled in closer to each other shaking more again and barely breathing. ...

Noah didn't survive anymore Idina's Courtney. They had them cutting us when they were still little and were still using everything we taught them and the bond made when we carried them, breastfed them and fought for them when they were tiny and we were still children ourselves, last year. They are the property of their rapists now and have shown no signs of resistance in a very long time. If that is our surface memories then everything inbetween is gonna be just as awful if not worse. They have kids doing worse and worse, worse and worse abuse and betrayal so there is no way back. Thats breeding..That's Western culture. Smosh is of course Pabs subscribed viewing, along with endless theory shows on games and Harry Potter adhering to Masonic approved pseudo science and utterly bereft of genuine history or politics. Merikkka. Your shit. Love you Pablo though and Sonny and Pierre and others we couldn't name without weeping. And the baby we have a sense that he's been...

Yesterdays horrific "oven" dream and constant running from the Gallaghers trying to put us back in one helped us remember that our first survived because like his mum he is fucking amazing. It helps knowing that I am not the only one who survived that nightmare. Love you sis. We didn't manage to stop all the prenatal torture but enough of it. He was born fighting. If he has managed to survive the USA since then we can't be certain (like everything else) from here. Hope so. Hi Noah. Love you. Mama needs weed. We also stopped blocking that our youngest is about two. They gave an egg to British drug dealers to control us, to Paul Ferris an identity that has and is very useful to them. When we refused to sort out his drug producers and distributers for him because we don't have a fucking time machine and because as we have repeatedly said the forces that forced me and others like me to pretend Earths slaver slaves have power of us are long gone he said he would hav...

Horrible breeding torture related nightmare. Horrible horrible horrible. Gonna happen though since we aren't shelving and separating ourself from knowledge and memories of all the others out there. Not just Sonny. Its not like we have never written about the breeding or the egg theft or desperately trying to do what we can for those held and sold into the worst of the rings but also trying to not let it kill us because there would be no one down here trying to help them then and of course because we just don't want to die in all this filth. The footage took from Colin Craig's in Aberdeen included breeding and the "VIPs", locals, drug dealers and authorities involved. But this is Britain so nothing would be done about it. So we had to arrange for it to be leaked before it had been removed and is now hopefully flooding intelligence markets and beyond. Hopefully, we have had no confirmation. Our stuff is real and for free unlike the usual materials that are false ...

Of course.  I never believed a word of it. If they were interested in saving kids or helping us there was and is a million things they could do then and now. The West was not built on respecting lives and bodies or honouring the rights of children or women or Jews or slaves and absolutely not on honouring promises to Jew women slaves. It's built on slavery, rape, theft, misogyny, taking the parts of our intellect they think are useful cutting off everything they don't fancy and then passing off the irrational nonsensical and hypocritical results as all their own work. And then denying our existence and of course murder and genocide. Lots and lots of murder and genocide. Back in Dundee we knew any authority in Europe or the West deciding to turn its back on millenias of inhumanity was too good to be true. So we stayed with the survaillance. Doing our best to keep the parts of us that believed it possible and who desperately needed to hope at a distance because it was and is a...

We said the reason we knew they would likely find children as well as drugs and he should maybe consider preparing his people for that, we explained it was because I had been one of those children and that one of my sons still was, we said we had survived and in that we had a pulse and that we were not abusing and selling children. He wasn't convinced, too many Brits, Americans, Italians and French had him filled him with false information and he wasn't making much effort to hold back how much he hated us for stuff we were desperately trying to stop but he said he would see. It was last year I think when he called again and sounded and talked very differently. He apologied and said he believed us, said he had been speaking to people in other countries that had rescued kids on our intel and been shocked at how shocked we were that they had done so and that they weren't just going to sell them on themselves. He said he probably wasn't going to warn his men and we said ...

So apparently stuffing your face with greasy food at half eight at night after eating nothing all day makes one a little queasy.. Plenty left for small hours feasting, decent sauces from that place to and its always nice to hear the delivery person being friendly to Pabs, espically after some little cunt was swearing at him and I think left a "your dead" voicemail message, fucking fortnite, fucking awful shell children. Told Pabs if he doesn't block little shits faster we will ban him from it. His cool pal was round today as well though, we were really glad espically as we are so particularly useless for him at the moment. The loud and triggery one wasn't. He obviously hadn't had his meds yesterday when he came round and stayed for hours and hours as he usually does, has crazy manic laugh when he's particularly hyper. When started messing with the cool pal and driving Pabs nuts we said it was time to go. He said he something about slapping us in the face. Cha...

Can't bloody do it. We texted and number that might not be in use anymore anyway but Chris was always awful at responding to texts. There's isn't any real change so what's the point? Don't know if we can make the meeting tomorrow anyway the coughing and the fever on top of our normal constant fever means we have no chance of much sleep. It's such an obvious set up that has been too often discussed and us told to do too often. Existing systems will not help us, weve studied them to well to ever be able to forget that. The meeting to discuss getting back Pablo keeps coming to mind, how much Chris was just seemed to be a totally different bloke from one time to the next. Talking about people that had contacted him in support of me but who haven't contacted us to offer support. Think we might of said at the time it was all too good to be true and that we would need to see real results before we believed any on if it. The moment we knew it was crap was when Ch...

Darg stoopid fever, stoopid prison porny everything and everywhere is a film set dreams. Yucky yuck. Got a meeting on Thursday at the school for Pabs transition to secondary, trying not to get too triggered, anxious or over think it. Gotta ask again that his class teacher doesn't mention Bill Johnston to a bairn that wouldnt exist it wasn't for the Johnston's usefulness to rape, kidnapping, slaughter, child abuse and slavery industries. Maybe its worth putting it in writing to whatever pointless complaints about a teacher authority there may be. Or asking social work if they can have a word with them, will be nice to ask social work to get involved with the school instead of the other way round. Its all very scary even when we are not struggling with a fevered brain. Will reassess tomorrow when we are unlikely to be feeling much better because we can take on the armed forces of industrialised nations, we can take on the designer zombies made by ancient Satanic antisemiti...

And we are glad we can appreciate it even if only through the windows, a minute or two in the garden to cool down our fever or during a trip to the shop for more honey and munchies. Bought that Scotty brand chicken and rice soup because we again forgot its seriously nasty because its got tonnes of fucking raw onion in it. Even with our blocked nose and it was inedible. Humus toast later on cheered us up and won't make us quite as crazy farty as the garlic soft cheese on toast yesterday did. The antidepressant is a factor in that a doc said.  It was funny that time we apologised to the rape bots next door for any distress we cause them because of our wind, we've heard the younger female complain about it to the others as she did with Laura to who had much worse lactose intolerence and diet than we do. They asked if we meant it and we said we most sincerely did and they didn't know what to make of it, the uniform there was struggling to keep a straight face. But then the o...

We didn't have the heart to turn a neighbours kid away when he turned up to hang out its September, the schools are back the chances of us not catching any colds in our run down state and all the fag smoking is pretty much impossible. We did our best though even washed down door handles and stuff but it's got us. Fever, fucked up fever dreams, snottiness, sore throat becoming an infection in our chest with a cough that is so sore, trying to limit the nictone crutch but now its just a cough and not crazy painfull its harder. More misery wahay. Think we got the infection and cist out of an arm pit before it became another source of great pain. Thinner skin as I get older means they are less likely to develop into the full on agonising heading towards blood poisoning type thing. Was glad when dude went out to play in the sunshine with a pal but he was back pretty quick because of other kids giving him crap. It got us wondering about a way out. Of course any research we did to...

In our fairy garden that is. No where else as far as we know. Which is of course, no surprise, what we knew would happen even though so much more is possible, even though so much more is needed and necessary..  Our fairies love colour.. Were not sure about the resin flower boxes with "happy" on them and considered painting over it. Think Happy would be glad we didn't though. Got lots of bits and pieces coming. Lots of tiny things and dry flowers come from China though so it takes a while, string and more decorative buttons to make fairy bunting, some gem stone key rings to. We found the glue as soon as we ordered more. Not so sure if Dude's new Pokemon T-shirt will show up though. We have had a good search but his room is a bit of a mess so maybe it is there. Its not in the washing basket or down the sofas. We have a creepy sense of seeing it on the line and then seeing it wasn't there a while later. Hope it's just the locale related paranoia a...

Junior has a cold. Start of a new term its fairly predictable. We are washing our hands lots, a cold on top of gyn pain, the achey hands (the after meal ibruorofen helps though), the weedlessness, the absence of contact, the zero justice and genuine progress, the lack of human services and people who we are safe to be around would just be too horrible. Dreams haven't been so bad the last couple of nights, being in a position to fully recognise it's not just Pabs we are searching for and feeling devasted with guilt because we forgot for a while is probs a factor. They probs didn't want us screaming out for Sonny in our dreams so temporarily eased the radio and programming abuse when we are sleep. We are leaning on the seekers hidden object game a lot, easier since we have more money because there is no one to buy cannabis off. Baby potatoes boiled and salted for tea, he ate his veg to and that's always good to see espically when they are ill. Bought red wine to beca...

It's more than we or anyone else forced to live under that NHS number got from them but we hate celebrating the fact we don't get quite so much overt verbal and physical abuse from NHS staff. One tablet when required we have said that only taking 2mg at once actually seemed to cause more anxiety, a trigger more than the drugs can help us with. They know about Margo and Laura who used the same practice and gave up on them to. The way the old male GP talked to us when we asked for more after the police pushed their way in and forced us up to him after lieing to us by saying we would see a more subtle less overtly abusive female GP was disgusting. Like we don't know how those that don't resist get anything they ask for handed out to them. That female GP asked us last year sometime if Louise Johnston (26/02/79) was still alive.. She said things were changing but we said I was an empiricist and would need to see change, to touch it before we could believe it. We kn...