The take, they lie, they leave us to die.

Of course.  I never believed a word of it. If they were interested in saving kids or helping us there was and is a million things they could do then and now. The West was not built on respecting lives and bodies or honouring the rights of children or women or Jews or slaves and absolutely not on honouring promises to Jew women slaves. It's built on slavery, rape, theft, misogyny, taking the parts of our intellect they think are useful cutting off everything they don't fancy and then passing off the irrational nonsensical and hypocritical results as all their own work. And then denying our existence and of course murder and genocide. Lots and lots of murder and genocide.

Back in Dundee we knew any authority in Europe or the West deciding to turn its back on millenias of inhumanity was too good to be true. So we stayed with the survaillance. Doing our best to keep the parts of us that believed it possible and who desperately needed to hope at a distance because it was and is all so possible and waited for the conversation and the agreement we knew would happen between the German dude and a posh English male accent or a male American military one. We just managed not to vomit when we eventually overheared it. Couldn't keep it in when we had time to demonstrate how we were treated here after giving a science and history lecture in the East organised by authorities tired of being bulshitted to and attacked by rich and stupid Westerners.

Integration I guess, between the parts that saw the possibility and the potentials and those of us that know and have studied the ancient hate. Tried to rip our mic off so the voming wouldn't be amplified and recorded as loud as our breaking down was but we were a bit late so the mic got covered and they all heard the start of it. We were comforted though. And seeing the tears and the upset on the faces of the audience who were as we demanded as diverse as the organisers could manage. We hasn't talked about our DID much but they saw a very clear demonstration of it. We went from all strong, intellectual serious but not without humour and very grown up to a little girl in a puddle of tears, puke and snot in big girl clothes. She talked to them more, they helped clean us up a bit and a new mic was found so everyone could here our very clever very heartbroken little talk about our mother, about life and deaths here in the UK past and future, about American plans and about the good stuff we remembered from being the country we were in years ago.

They said we didn't have to go, that they weren't scared of war with the West. We said we couldn't while so much of the worst of the tech was still functioning. We couldn't do it to them or ourself because we needed them to be okay for us to hope. No really scary tech left now though. They will think they do because of the circular nature of the false intel networks, they swallow their own bullshit, then sell it on again. Its quite putrid. We are as tired of being surrounded by so much stupidity as we are heartlessness, its not life its a diseased and broken man made imitation of life and the littles they forced us to make to manipulate us are done with trying to stop them from hurting and killing children as a means to hurt and manipulate us. It was always the fucking tech we were scared of anyway. Tech none of our abusers understood, definitly cant replace and many were programmed to not even know it existed.

We still have the "your not killing this one" brain anatomy and genes West but that's science of course and you can't and won't do science because science is work and all work is slave work. What a fucking state to get yourself in and so so avoidable. Your hopeless and we won't miss you.

Did a little bit of cleaning today. Would of managed more but the head of the crappy hoover keeps coming off and we can't find the tape to keep it in place. Clean bedding and jammies for later. That's something. More stuff we ordered for our fairy garden has arrived but we are unlikely to do anything with it and not just cause of the weather. Its occurring to us we need to start preparing ourself for another alone in Fife Halloween with Pablo wanting to go trick or treating and us trying not to puke and shake and scream or yell the truth at him.

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