It was good, healthy and hopeful to not be reaching for the codiene that often and maybe we will feel that way again soon. Not today though. The ache and fury at not being able to keep Pablo excercised and entertained as much as he needs is a factor, his tears when he described anxiety over thoughts he didn’t want to have, the gap between what we want to be able to do for him and what we can, the difference that it would make if we had real support, even just a little occasionally.
Did a bit of trying to be a responsible adult today. Thought that if we got a job done or started a process of we would feel a bit better but the guy from eon energy after all the stressful time on hold wasnt being very helpful, apparently over a grand electric for six months in a two bedroom flat is only a little bit more than he would expect. He transferred us to their payment plan people but we couldn’t handle being back on hold and gave up after a couple of mins.
Cancelled spotify yesterday but too late as its already taken our last tenner. Probably should of said no when Pablo suggested a pub tea after the tears and the painful exhausting talking between us but it was fun and easy at the time. Cant seem to control the money at all. He keeps growing I need clothes that cover the weight put on, he needs his tech and we need our garden.
Tried to find a dentist for him but none of the close ones are taking NHS patients. We got that self harm through attempting to do necessary normal things feeling. Hate that feeling and flashes of agreeing to try and do things that will make it us worse during programming that come with it.
Glad it has rained all day so we haven’t felt guilty about staying indoors and just about our messy room and Pablo. It’s impossible to feel much guilt about the stuff we have spent money on when we feel so fucking down any relief is and should be grabbed. Just wish we didn’t feel quite so down though. It really fucking hurts. Being added a list of ingredients for a cooking class he really wants to do hasnt helped.
Can still smile at the work we have done though and wondering how it will look. We dont wish we had someone other than a dependent to share it with any more. Throughly involved in Call The Midwife even if all the birth scenes get us a bit achey, dont think its got much to do with our current state of damn soreness.
Update for hidden city has lifted spirits but it takes a while to figure install and we are really tired whilst but not keen to see what dreams we are put through. Sleep not being a relief is one of those jolly unfair aspects to this lark.
Did a bit of trying to be a responsible adult today. Thought that if we got a job done or started a process of we would feel a bit better but the guy from eon energy after all the stressful time on hold wasnt being very helpful, apparently over a grand electric for six months in a two bedroom flat is only a little bit more than he would expect. He transferred us to their payment plan people but we couldn’t handle being back on hold and gave up after a couple of mins.
Cancelled spotify yesterday but too late as its already taken our last tenner. Probably should of said no when Pablo suggested a pub tea after the tears and the painful exhausting talking between us but it was fun and easy at the time. Cant seem to control the money at all. He keeps growing I need clothes that cover the weight put on, he needs his tech and we need our garden.
Tried to find a dentist for him but none of the close ones are taking NHS patients. We got that self harm through attempting to do necessary normal things feeling. Hate that feeling and flashes of agreeing to try and do things that will make it us worse during programming that come with it.
Glad it has rained all day so we haven’t felt guilty about staying indoors and just about our messy room and Pablo. It’s impossible to feel much guilt about the stuff we have spent money on when we feel so fucking down any relief is and should be grabbed. Just wish we didn’t feel quite so down though. It really fucking hurts. Being added a list of ingredients for a cooking class he really wants to do hasnt helped.
Can still smile at the work we have done though and wondering how it will look. We dont wish we had someone other than a dependent to share it with any more. Throughly involved in Call The Midwife even if all the birth scenes get us a bit achey, dont think its got much to do with our current state of damn soreness.
Update for hidden city has lifted spirits but it takes a while to figure install and we are really tired whilst but not keen to see what dreams we are put through. Sleep not being a relief is one of those jolly unfair aspects to this lark.
