Rosie’s Rose
Rose is here. Has a couple of little buds on her. Still in her pot and there she will stay until the rooting stuff arrives and we have cleaned the house up a bit. Seriously. Dishes, some hoovering at least. Never takes long to clean bathroom sink and its a very satisfying job once its done. Tiny kitchen floor to. Wasnt gardening today. Too exhausted from not sleeping Monday night then getting stuff done outside because it was warm and because we hadnt slept we werent mentally and emotionally crippled. There was a couple of times today we couldn’t not sleep and it was awful how we felt during the dreams and when we eventually got out of the false awakenings and woke up for real. Lots of semi lucid looking around and saying we definitely not awake yet.
Not doing a very good on not spending so we dont end up with nothing. Summer clothes for myself and the giant boy. Needed. He is down to one pair of shorts and i need warm weather trousers that fit too since we havent miraculously gone back to size 10 as we are able to eat food at the moment.
Gonna try. After this. No listing or window shopping that can lead to real shopping on Amazon. No “quick check of the headlines” because we know there will be plenty disgusting shit going on that will wind us up. Just try and sleep and hopefully will get stuff done tomorrow. Crazy sleepy, so sick and tired of the dreams though. Theres always at least some kind of verbal and threats against me or Pablo in them, often unwanted sexual activity, fighting and the constant sense of being unsafe and surronded. Unending mortal terror. It gets fucking tedious, accepting it doesnt help partly because we want to live so accepting constant close proximity to being murdered isnt going to work there is too much need to stay alert to danger and hate.
Not doing a very good on not spending so we dont end up with nothing. Summer clothes for myself and the giant boy. Needed. He is down to one pair of shorts and i need warm weather trousers that fit too since we havent miraculously gone back to size 10 as we are able to eat food at the moment.
Gonna try. After this. No listing or window shopping that can lead to real shopping on Amazon. No “quick check of the headlines” because we know there will be plenty disgusting shit going on that will wind us up. Just try and sleep and hopefully will get stuff done tomorrow. Crazy sleepy, so sick and tired of the dreams though. Theres always at least some kind of verbal and threats against me or Pablo in them, often unwanted sexual activity, fighting and the constant sense of being unsafe and surronded. Unending mortal terror. It gets fucking tedious, accepting it doesnt help partly because we want to live so accepting constant close proximity to being murdered isnt going to work there is too much need to stay alert to danger and hate.
