buzzz
Looking at online short courses and postgraduate options, going through a cycle we’ve been through many times before. It starts usually with reading an article and wanting more, feeling inspired, thrilled we can read and be engaged again, hopeful about online options, then disheartened by fees and funding options, then triggered by remembering what happened when tried previously to expand on our patches of education and fractured mind.
Think Burke told us we were suited for global history, we are definitely fascinated by seeing the similarities between the specific and the universal. Particularly in terms of ourself and our experiences, seeing our brain in those maps of pre WW1, noticing the similarities and interdependence with domestic abuse, UK authorities stuff and the international high roller trafficking. How now matter how strong, intelligent, resourceful we are we and how well connected we temporarily were sometimes we always end up isoltated, crippled and with nothing, like some post colonial nations. For all the differences in culture, the subjugation of woman, rigid gender roles and soil layered with the slaughtered seems universal.
When we said we worried about our ability to retain information, that we had to look up the meaning of a word, a concept, who someone was again and again and still not be able to talk about whatever it was without notes, still have to keeping going back he said something pretty wonderful and made us feel quite gifted instead of victimised and inferior which of course we cant remember. Think part of it was something about the need to repeatedly go over basics kept our thinking and ideas fresh.
There is actually very short short courses that are free but looking at them had us realising again that we need a laptop. That has us realising that we are going to have to push ourself a bit harder to fill out the same capability for work form we filled out in November if we are to have much hope of scraping the money together for one. Today we were thinking we just cant do it. Not again so soon after the last time that we worked really hard on just for a lady to ask us why we bothered if we were moving to a universal credit area. The cover is different, says UC instead ESA, thats all.
Got a letter from the psychologist that also went to psychiatry mostly saying what she learned from our half hour phonecall split over two days because an emergency meant she phoned late and Pablo came home in the middle of it. Couple of annoying things, one where she said we moved to Fife because of the Delusional disorder diagnosis.. Another the repeat of the “still being effected by DID” like it can just fix itself. There was also something about “a full course of EMDR” but she wasn’t sure what for.. we said we had some.. Wasnt even aware that “full course” could be a thing and we dont get the not knowing what for when the letter all ready states “multiple traumas since childhood” maybe she wanted more specifics over our half our phone call split over two days.
It mentions a personality disorder, cant remember/dont care which one. If you attached us to a blood pressure monitor you could literally see ours shoot up at the mention of personality disorders. If it was used to mean a personality messed up because of sever, repeatedly and enduring traumas during development then we would understand but that is not how it used as far as we understand anyway. Some have said it doesn’t matter in terms of treatment if you are born that way or events caused you to be that way, we totally disagree but of course we would disagree with a psychiatrist we have a personality disorder and that’s what people with personality disorders do..
Yuck. Serious fucking yuck.
Also decided we need to make another effort to not keep up to date with each step further into fascist dictatorship over in the states, we can have it filtered though a.m Joy, Maddow or one of the others occasionally but checking everyday, a few times a day is not healthy.
We have a minor virus was worst last night, everything hurt but not so bad today, keeps giving us wierd Chinese based food cravings, was water chestnuts earlier on, now its five spice.. Also there is a fly in our room, it flew in when we went to smoke, it’s incredibly loud and annoying.
Think Burke told us we were suited for global history, we are definitely fascinated by seeing the similarities between the specific and the universal. Particularly in terms of ourself and our experiences, seeing our brain in those maps of pre WW1, noticing the similarities and interdependence with domestic abuse, UK authorities stuff and the international high roller trafficking. How now matter how strong, intelligent, resourceful we are we and how well connected we temporarily were sometimes we always end up isoltated, crippled and with nothing, like some post colonial nations. For all the differences in culture, the subjugation of woman, rigid gender roles and soil layered with the slaughtered seems universal.
When we said we worried about our ability to retain information, that we had to look up the meaning of a word, a concept, who someone was again and again and still not be able to talk about whatever it was without notes, still have to keeping going back he said something pretty wonderful and made us feel quite gifted instead of victimised and inferior which of course we cant remember. Think part of it was something about the need to repeatedly go over basics kept our thinking and ideas fresh.
There is actually very short short courses that are free but looking at them had us realising again that we need a laptop. That has us realising that we are going to have to push ourself a bit harder to fill out the same capability for work form we filled out in November if we are to have much hope of scraping the money together for one. Today we were thinking we just cant do it. Not again so soon after the last time that we worked really hard on just for a lady to ask us why we bothered if we were moving to a universal credit area. The cover is different, says UC instead ESA, thats all.
Got a letter from the psychologist that also went to psychiatry mostly saying what she learned from our half hour phonecall split over two days because an emergency meant she phoned late and Pablo came home in the middle of it. Couple of annoying things, one where she said we moved to Fife because of the Delusional disorder diagnosis.. Another the repeat of the “still being effected by DID” like it can just fix itself. There was also something about “a full course of EMDR” but she wasn’t sure what for.. we said we had some.. Wasnt even aware that “full course” could be a thing and we dont get the not knowing what for when the letter all ready states “multiple traumas since childhood” maybe she wanted more specifics over our half our phone call split over two days.
It mentions a personality disorder, cant remember/dont care which one. If you attached us to a blood pressure monitor you could literally see ours shoot up at the mention of personality disorders. If it was used to mean a personality messed up because of sever, repeatedly and enduring traumas during development then we would understand but that is not how it used as far as we understand anyway. Some have said it doesn’t matter in terms of treatment if you are born that way or events caused you to be that way, we totally disagree but of course we would disagree with a psychiatrist we have a personality disorder and that’s what people with personality disorders do..
Yuck. Serious fucking yuck.
Also decided we need to make another effort to not keep up to date with each step further into fascist dictatorship over in the states, we can have it filtered though a.m Joy, Maddow or one of the others occasionally but checking everyday, a few times a day is not healthy.
We have a minor virus was worst last night, everything hurt but not so bad today, keeps giving us wierd Chinese based food cravings, was water chestnuts earlier on, now its five spice.. Also there is a fly in our room, it flew in when we went to smoke, it’s incredibly loud and annoying.
