not without pride
My god what a difference it makes to have neighbours who are not only not commited to trying to have us raped/murdered/permanently physically incapacitated/sold/chained/catatonic/lobotomised and have had some success in doing so with others and over many years but who are actually caring and helpful. We are no longer without nicotine and that has made us feel a hell of a lot better.
Ending doing a bit of gardening, chuffed with our beds they should end up looking quite stupendous and smelly lovely to. Pink lavender, night scented stock, cosmos, some livingstone daisy extracted from a root bound tray, oops, petunia, lobelia (trailing from seed and string of pearls plugs) pansies of course, sweet pea from a car boot sale, scented geraniums great but not worth going hungry for, a variety of pinks to go in dark blue plastic pots, some other shit. The grass isnt so good we havent been watering the seed enough and the back bit is still carnage but there will be enough calories and no rain forcast tomorrow to have another go at the monster shrub. Kinda desperate to get the buddleia in and start thinking what we will do with that area.
Pain pretty bad as well though. So fucking desperate for real relief from the heartbreak and the constant pangs of not been/being cared for enough and loss of everyone who tried, the need for hugs and support from a safe adult that gets so bad it becomes physical pain. Not just a temporary distraction knowing we will need to stop or take a break and it will all instantly start crushing down on us again or codiene lull but actual day after day, night after night of life affirming constructive and creative herbal relief.
Tea tomorrow to. Probably shouldn’t have coffee in the house coz if we run out of tea and end up drinking the coffee instead it doesn’t help our mental health. We can get away with the odd mocha but if we start drinking it like we drink tea we end up feeling even more nuts than usual, manic even. Not fun.
Have to have to have to keep a reign on the impulse buying cant be going through a week plus of this every month. Its shitty especially since as well as the dearly departed tablet junior has smashed his switch screen, i suspect whilst hiding and then swearing he has no idea where it is. Totally and utterly busted. Still got the big screen of course but the joy cons dont work to well. Starts of okay and then starts moving by itself. The wired controls are cheaper though so can probs get him one of them.
Its the closeness between the UC and the DLA that seems to be adding to our total inability to budget. Sleepless anxious misrable nights of course and the easy available bargin junk food to. Will be able to calm down on the gardening supplies though, need dirt but thats pretty cheap. Will be getting a climbing rose though if and when we defeat the monster.. Gardening thrills!
..but for ffs leave enough cash for food and baccy.. Add all you want to Amazon lists but keep the buying down to a minimum. Hopefully get a haircut that will help is feel less second class, that gets put off because of the human interaction involved though. Think we maybe spend online to take the option away. Always so glad once its done though.
Ending doing a bit of gardening, chuffed with our beds they should end up looking quite stupendous and smelly lovely to. Pink lavender, night scented stock, cosmos, some livingstone daisy extracted from a root bound tray, oops, petunia, lobelia (trailing from seed and string of pearls plugs) pansies of course, sweet pea from a car boot sale, scented geraniums great but not worth going hungry for, a variety of pinks to go in dark blue plastic pots, some other shit. The grass isnt so good we havent been watering the seed enough and the back bit is still carnage but there will be enough calories and no rain forcast tomorrow to have another go at the monster shrub. Kinda desperate to get the buddleia in and start thinking what we will do with that area.
Pain pretty bad as well though. So fucking desperate for real relief from the heartbreak and the constant pangs of not been/being cared for enough and loss of everyone who tried, the need for hugs and support from a safe adult that gets so bad it becomes physical pain. Not just a temporary distraction knowing we will need to stop or take a break and it will all instantly start crushing down on us again or codiene lull but actual day after day, night after night of life affirming constructive and creative herbal relief.
Tea tomorrow to. Probably shouldn’t have coffee in the house coz if we run out of tea and end up drinking the coffee instead it doesn’t help our mental health. We can get away with the odd mocha but if we start drinking it like we drink tea we end up feeling even more nuts than usual, manic even. Not fun.
Have to have to have to keep a reign on the impulse buying cant be going through a week plus of this every month. Its shitty especially since as well as the dearly departed tablet junior has smashed his switch screen, i suspect whilst hiding and then swearing he has no idea where it is. Totally and utterly busted. Still got the big screen of course but the joy cons dont work to well. Starts of okay and then starts moving by itself. The wired controls are cheaper though so can probs get him one of them.
Its the closeness between the UC and the DLA that seems to be adding to our total inability to budget. Sleepless anxious misrable nights of course and the easy available bargin junk food to. Will be able to calm down on the gardening supplies though, need dirt but thats pretty cheap. Will be getting a climbing rose though if and when we defeat the monster.. Gardening thrills!
..but for ffs leave enough cash for food and baccy.. Add all you want to Amazon lists but keep the buying down to a minimum. Hopefully get a haircut that will help is feel less second class, that gets put off because of the human interaction involved though. Think we maybe spend online to take the option away. Always so glad once its done though.
