you cant give me your birthday to make up for your upcoming deathday
Pretty awful most of today, pain, nightmares, nightmarish pain and painful nightmares. Did some washing and dried it on the line. Cold sea breeze today but still perfect blue skies. Seedlings watered to but other than that not out much. Just to smoke fags look at the sky through the trees and watch the 100s of little birdies, they are loving my big patch of dirt to bathe in.
Both the 26th of February and the 17th of May falling on money days this year thats pretty good so is the fact that we are not just ignoring the dates when we know they are close. Tomorrow I think we feel is Julia’s. Maybe we should pick a day for ourself? The day we moved here maybe but feels to soon for that.
Really looking forward to ordering our rose though and a big bag of dirt. Looking at it and looking at other plants and shrubs really help out when we woke up in the small hours last night. Asleep around 1:30ish not long after posting here awake again before four in a state. Knee pain becoming horrible injuries in our dreams, the doctors couldn’t get the rest of the hospital staff to give them what they needed so they used their own blood. It got worse after that. Trying to stay safe with Pablo in a flat that didnt have solid walls and between us and some storage space, boxes of someone elses stuff for selling. Later on he was a teenageish girl weeping in our arms. We are really terrified for the two girls in Aberdeen. Not oldest hate built one though that strangled toddler Pablo though and much much more, shes a ring darling the poor fucking creature we fear what she is capable of.
Started to feel better later on when Pablo came home and we had some cheesy pasta. He is noticeably happier here.
Yesterday we started on our shade patch. Didnt get much done just some weeding and moved a bin. Thinking about what to do with it is exciting. Knowing a little bit of work and a little money can turn ugliness into something else is therapeutic its shame its not always so simple with people.
Been reading Picoult’s The Storyteller. Have a sense of Laura saying it was really good and we should read it but we either couldn’t read or were going through survivor autobiographies and not up for fiction based on them. Left it alone for most of today of course though. Its helping us avoid news media though, dont need to be exposed to America making itself great again when reading about the horror and loss of Germany doing the same. Try not to wonder pointlessly what the world would be like if it hadn’t lost so much back then. Think we have been told that we wouldn’t of been born if it wasnt for all that mid 20th century slaughter of everyone not far right but my mother wasnt so sure. We come from different antisemitism, it overlaps of course but there is differences. We were slaves before the rise of Hitler and continued to be afterwards.
Cant wait to order our rose and put wire on the wall for her, get the buddleia in and make the ugliest bits not so bad. And drink wine. Stomach has been cramping everytime we accidentally think of weed like we havent eaten in days and smell food. Hate knowing how much it helps with nightmares and there is loads of folk out there that have never done much or any fighting for themselves with no interest in admiting and processing their issues, that dont care how they treat people or enjoy and are addicted to causing misery that have easy access to it. Shouldn’t be allowed.
Both the 26th of February and the 17th of May falling on money days this year thats pretty good so is the fact that we are not just ignoring the dates when we know they are close. Tomorrow I think we feel is Julia’s. Maybe we should pick a day for ourself? The day we moved here maybe but feels to soon for that.
Really looking forward to ordering our rose though and a big bag of dirt. Looking at it and looking at other plants and shrubs really help out when we woke up in the small hours last night. Asleep around 1:30ish not long after posting here awake again before four in a state. Knee pain becoming horrible injuries in our dreams, the doctors couldn’t get the rest of the hospital staff to give them what they needed so they used their own blood. It got worse after that. Trying to stay safe with Pablo in a flat that didnt have solid walls and between us and some storage space, boxes of someone elses stuff for selling. Later on he was a teenageish girl weeping in our arms. We are really terrified for the two girls in Aberdeen. Not oldest hate built one though that strangled toddler Pablo though and much much more, shes a ring darling the poor fucking creature we fear what she is capable of.
Started to feel better later on when Pablo came home and we had some cheesy pasta. He is noticeably happier here.
Yesterday we started on our shade patch. Didnt get much done just some weeding and moved a bin. Thinking about what to do with it is exciting. Knowing a little bit of work and a little money can turn ugliness into something else is therapeutic its shame its not always so simple with people.
Been reading Picoult’s The Storyteller. Have a sense of Laura saying it was really good and we should read it but we either couldn’t read or were going through survivor autobiographies and not up for fiction based on them. Left it alone for most of today of course though. Its helping us avoid news media though, dont need to be exposed to America making itself great again when reading about the horror and loss of Germany doing the same. Try not to wonder pointlessly what the world would be like if it hadn’t lost so much back then. Think we have been told that we wouldn’t of been born if it wasnt for all that mid 20th century slaughter of everyone not far right but my mother wasnt so sure. We come from different antisemitism, it overlaps of course but there is differences. We were slaves before the rise of Hitler and continued to be afterwards.
Cant wait to order our rose and put wire on the wall for her, get the buddleia in and make the ugliest bits not so bad. And drink wine. Stomach has been cramping everytime we accidentally think of weed like we havent eaten in days and smell food. Hate knowing how much it helps with nightmares and there is loads of folk out there that have never done much or any fighting for themselves with no interest in admiting and processing their issues, that dont care how they treat people or enjoy and are addicted to causing misery that have easy access to it. Shouldn’t be allowed.
