Herded.

After the stuckness with the Jersey statement recently things moved forward last night. Weed. And all the effort we have made over the years to understand what was going on so I could limit the damage, to figure out and work towards organise ourselves into something that could figure out a way and then do everything that involved. And the new setting and all the changes that is brining, positive stuff and becoming much more confident in our system and it's stages. ..

We have talked about going to Jerset with Savile, La Vell, and know there was others via small boats. Little fishing ones or leisure boats, aeroplane and of course there is all the being hidding in cramp dark places and being transported ans being pulled out cramped and nausous. 

But there is also a strong association of being transported in bigger boats with lots of other people. People known through all the various abuse and crime networks. Victims. People denied voices and documents. Care kids.  People labeled mad etc 

I get flashbacks about when I think about Eastern Europe, WWII. 

They said we were nothing, scum, our bodies there for whatever others wanted of them. We were its. Not human. We would never be believed but do not talk anyway.

Lots of rape. porn. Training in horrific shit, being forced to train others in horrific shit, lots of interrogation and torture to force us into agree and behave to do stuff in the future. 

I remember staring at the broken up tar that was on the rise from the rest of the village. I saw it to and from school when our playing and know everyone from school, from where we used to live and others to were being marched past it and people were being murdered. It was real.