November 15, 2014


Bloody buses.  They do they job in the end though, even if its possible to cross a half the planet in the time it takes to pop in to your pals in the next town..

Ended up having a some food, wine & smokes with 'mom'.  Wasnt too bad. talked about how there is only so much of her daughters stuff I can go throw and/or bin my self.  It was when we said 'what do I do with her red shoes' that we got her attention.  She suggested we have a night when she and the kids go through what we have left. It sounded lovely at the time, the bairns shouldn't feel like we forgetting all about their mum. Now its later we are thinking that is cool but she is avoiding spending any time with Laura's stuff, her space on her own, childless with us.

Shes not particularly triggering us at the moment though we are not seeing enough of her and when we do its mostly associated with childfree hours ourself.. We are triggered out from pain, trauma processing and being an intelligent female who is aware of popular culture.

Back to having a laptop. Mum has one but held on to this one for a while, for the kids which was fine. We had Laura's house & contents to sort out so wasn't volunteering to go through her C drive to.. seemed to have done enough for decent functions atm.. Not gonna treat this one like its a wad of paper that can be chucked down or stood on. .. much more space now to.

Apparently, this came from mum talking to Psychosis the other week, Dad has been taking time of work and not getting out of bed.. and the bairns dad told mum that he seemed to have forgotten the phonecall with mum where she told him she didnt want the kids going up there for Xmas day.  To many of us have spotted to many of them bullshiting to often to really take much of it to serious.  We are getting though the rawness and

Obvs relief that mum was firm on something..

A bairn is for life not just for Christmas.


In therapy and during moments when we are relativity self aware and feeling strong enough to not dissociate, deny or rationalise when triggered.  We dont ditch each other like we always have. Integration'. not in the parts merging kind of way but in terms of amnesiac walls coming down without if causing system failure, panic attacks and amnesia. Been close though! So much fear. Feels so fabulous to get a break from it :-)