April 18, 2018

he's my home

Its no one else’s business.

.. I could make decisions and not explain everything in great detail to people who didnt care about me and werent equipped to understand anything. Everything opened up. We were no longer trapped in the superficial and disjointed ways of thinking and feeling we had been instructed in and tortured into repeating. We could see how we were forced into that state and we could see everything we were before.

Its your decision.

My decision. Not theres. We didn't want to spend to long staring across all that was lost before we had been reminded that us being a person was a thing but we knew we had to see it or we would not have the motivation to convincingly pretend to have never left there.

He seemed to think he deserved to die because of the consequences of decisions he had made. We were shocked. But were glad to explain to him how grateful we were for what he had just said and that we didn't think it would help us to kill eveyone who unintentionally caused us harm due to be given very wrong information. He agreed to help us get as much truth out there as possible and it became a lifeline for us. At times we hated it though he was so rational and untwisted it was horrible watching him trying to comprehend what we had to share.

We often had to deal with sources before we got anything out to explain why and knew that would be used against us by whatever was left. Can't believe all that's over.

Hope you enjoy the work as much as we would, planning it was just a frustrating chore that could and should of been avoided so its was no fun.

Wish we had someone here to appreciate the house and garden. Someone who gets the scale and number of operations that have gone down to us from being here now. This should be some random female of less troublesome stock and history with a headful of nothing they didn't put there.

We keep thinking about livestock and how much better they were usually treated and feeling the pains of the abortions and the news when it was a girl. "They're not black." He snapped. It wasn't like we expected a different response we just didn't think we could go though it again and a left to term pregnancy might of given us some time. "There Jewish." And he added in a sneer to make us know that this was what really disgusted him, "They're yours." He might of spat at us then we are not sure it happened a lot and we got good at anticipating it and ducking if it was physicaly possible for us to do so.

You kept us alive through all that. We can keep you alive now.