Springing
We got to sleep pretty fast but woke up all hopeful that it was near seven so the lass would drop of the tenner, the shop would be open and we could have tea and fags! But it was half past friggin three. So glad when sevenish eventually arrived and pabs dropped the tenner on our head. It's an utter nightmare sometimes the whole thing about not being able to buy less than 30g of baccy because we couldn't afford that and bread and milk so had to go for twenty cheapest fags and have smoked them all. Tuesday is only hours away though. We will get up early get what we need and eat and eat and eat. It will be morning so we probs won't want to but thats what we are thinking about now. Food. Eggs sausages beans tomatoes maybe even those tattie scone things that are tasty when fried.. Shared the last tin of tuna between the cats and myself and that has helped settle my stomach from doing its need protein freak out.
At the school for a meeting today and it occurred to us after dropping off the dude that we were at the school and not freaking out. There's a thing on tomorrow that we are filled with dread at the thought of going and arnt going to but still it felt good to not be anxious as fuck.
Did three loads of washing, chopped at the hedge a little, washed dishes and sunbathed trying not to get to frustrated at not having the food stuffs to do more. We had a cheese toastie and a cupasoup which gave us the fuel to do all that but not having an evening meal when you could really do with an evening meal sucks. Watered the plants, tried not to get on pabs case as he played with the hose, had a shower. Bins are out to. Good day. Hope we don't do the crying in relief when we eat thing, its not like we have had nothing but triggered is triggered. Attempting to reason it away is just hurting and denying yourself.
Might even be tears at cannabis relief to. Probs not as we won't be seeing whatsherchops so it will just be solids if anything. Glad we fell out with her when we where skint, we often wouldn't see her when she knew we were skint and hear from her more when we arnt. Pretty shitty. Gonna be awkward bumping into her but we are not going back. Addicts don't exactly make good friends and she hasn't dealt with anything just swapped drugs. Seeing the state she is in, the way she treats people, the way she treats herself and her son, the way her family take care of everything for her makes me glad sometimes that we were alone and struggling so much. We feel like such a big girl around her, when we are just being irritated at all bullshit she spouts.
Its good to feel okay!! Soo proud of the garden and the house a bit to. Its only gonna get beautifuller out there in the next few weeks. Its exciting. You never know maybe we will be able to share it with someone else soon to. Hope so but even if we don't for a while yet it's a source of happiness and that, for us is stupendous.
At the school for a meeting today and it occurred to us after dropping off the dude that we were at the school and not freaking out. There's a thing on tomorrow that we are filled with dread at the thought of going and arnt going to but still it felt good to not be anxious as fuck.
Did three loads of washing, chopped at the hedge a little, washed dishes and sunbathed trying not to get to frustrated at not having the food stuffs to do more. We had a cheese toastie and a cupasoup which gave us the fuel to do all that but not having an evening meal when you could really do with an evening meal sucks. Watered the plants, tried not to get on pabs case as he played with the hose, had a shower. Bins are out to. Good day. Hope we don't do the crying in relief when we eat thing, its not like we have had nothing but triggered is triggered. Attempting to reason it away is just hurting and denying yourself.
Might even be tears at cannabis relief to. Probs not as we won't be seeing whatsherchops so it will just be solids if anything. Glad we fell out with her when we where skint, we often wouldn't see her when she knew we were skint and hear from her more when we arnt. Pretty shitty. Gonna be awkward bumping into her but we are not going back. Addicts don't exactly make good friends and she hasn't dealt with anything just swapped drugs. Seeing the state she is in, the way she treats people, the way she treats herself and her son, the way her family take care of everything for her makes me glad sometimes that we were alone and struggling so much. We feel like such a big girl around her, when we are just being irritated at all bullshit she spouts.
Its good to feel okay!! Soo proud of the garden and the house a bit to. Its only gonna get beautifuller out there in the next few weeks. Its exciting. You never know maybe we will be able to share it with someone else soon to. Hope so but even if we don't for a while yet it's a source of happiness and that, for us is stupendous.
