April 14, 2011

beer not working

He totally thinks that the meds are going to take away the 'delusions' and they are a little bit but the delusions I suffer from are not that I was sexualy abused but that I fantasys I have that so and so wasn't invloved, or this or that 'couldn't' of happened. He did listen to me talk about possible asperbergs though. Said I wouldn't be going on nights out, I said I've only been out once and was very, very drunk. He also weighed me and told me get more excercise and eat more fruit and veg I didn't hit him.

So it not all bad...

badboy gave me his phone number in that first email but no photo and hasn't replied this I asked for one. His probably giving one to someone closer to his age. I am not crying.

The interesting ones don't wink at me it's mostly just old boys and utter utter mouses. Good news from friend but slightly considered I'm just letting things go, housework, body and debt wise. B was driving me back, the sky had colours and little dotty clouds I got that feeling of not quiet belieiving I'm here. Alive, fed, watered, and supplied in a town I don't instinctivly say no to. My own place, my own son, my own future. I reckon as long as the present goes on the less I will have to work to put space between me and the past. The dishes always get done eventuly and I'm not the only one not opening their mail.

What's the plan dj?